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Economics you were never taught.....

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Eddie C., Jun 4, 2003.

  1. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

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    > > > Economics 101.1
    > > > Economics that we were never taught. . . . .
    > > >
    > > > DEMOCRAT:
    > > > You have two cows.
    > > > Your neighbor has none.
    > > > You feel guilty for being successful.
    > > > You vote people into office that put a tax on your
    > > > cows, forcing you to sell
    > > > one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you
    > > > voted for then take the
    > > > tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You
    > > > feel righteous.
    > > > Barbara Streisand sings for you.
    > > >
    > > > SOCIALIST:
    > > > You have two cows.
    > > > The government takes one and gives it to your
    > > > neighbor.
    > > > You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
    > > > cow.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > REPUBLICAN:
    > > > You have two cows.
    > > > Your neighbor has none.
    > > > So?
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > COMMUNIST:
    > > > You have two cows.
    > > > The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    > > > You wait in line for hours to get it.
    > > > It is expensive and sour.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
    > > > You have two cows.
    > > > You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
    > > > You have two cows.
    > > > The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
    > > > both to support a man
    > > > in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a
    > > > gift from your
    > > > government.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
    > > > government takes them
    > > > both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the
    > > > milk, and then pours the
    > > > milk down the drain.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one,
    > > > lease it back to
    > > > yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the
    > > > two cows to produce the
    > > > milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow
    > > > drops dead. You spin an
    > > > announcement to the analysts stating you have
    > > > downsized and are reducing
    > > > expenses. Your stock goes up.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on
    > > > strike because you want
    > > > three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign
    > > > them so they are
    > > > one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
    > > > twenty times the milk.
    > > > They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    > > > Most are at the top of
    > > > their class at cow school.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer
    > > > them so they are all
    > > > blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality
    > > > milk, and run a hundred
    > > > miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks
    > > > of vacation per year.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't
    > > > know where they are.
    > > > While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You
    > > > break for lunch. Life
    > > > is good.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
    > > > and learn you have
    > > > five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them
    > > > again and learn you have
    > > > 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12
    > > > cows. You stop counting
    > > > cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce
    > > > your 10th, 5-year plan in
    > > > the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over
    > > > however many cows you
    > > > really have.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are
    > > > regularly maimed and
    > > > killed attempting to milk them.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown
    > > > cow. Everyone votes
    > > > for the best looking one. Some of the people who like
    > > > the brown one best,
    > > > vote for the black one. Some people vote for both.
    > > > Some people vote for
    > > > neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at
    > > > all. Finally, a bunch
    > > > of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
    > > > best-looking cow.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows.
    > > > You have to choose
    > > > which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick
    > > > some fat cow from
    > > > Arkansas.
    > > >
    > > > MASSACHUSETTS CORPORATION: You have two cows. You accidentally kill
    > > > one with your car. You sell the other one and use the money to buy
    > > > scratch tickets, win $5, buy milk, and brag about winning.