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Don't fart in Bed!!!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by cashisking, Oct 7, 2004.

  1. cashisking

    cashisking

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    Don't Fart in Bed

    If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and
    I'll pray for you.

    This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

    The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
    loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the
    smell would make her eyes water and wake her gasp for air.

    Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
    was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
    perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one
    day he would blow his guts out.

    The years went by and he continued! to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving
    morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound
    asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and
    neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to
    her.

    She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and,
    gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of
    his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

    Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which
    was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
    as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she
    rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes ! After years of torture she
    reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

    About twenty! minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
    underpants with a look of horror on his face.

    She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

    He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I
    didn't listen to you."

    "What do you mean?" asked his wife.

    "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
    and today it finally happened.

    But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most
    of them back in."
     
  2. Grog

    Grog Millennium Member

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  3. cannoneer

    cannoneer

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  4. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster G17 carrier since 1989 Millennium Member

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  5. Bullseye007

    Bullseye007 7.62x51

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  6. str8shootr623

    str8shootr623 Educ8r

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  7. kneeoh

    kneeoh Dammit Jim!

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    ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0
     
  8. Bullseye007

    Bullseye007 7.62x51

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  9. 9jeeps

    9jeeps

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    Puking in the sink. This story was around in the mid to late forties and I think it was old then. Sorry
     
  10. Glock's Rule

    Glock's Rule Stick em' Up

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    ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0
     
  11. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z
     
  12. ArXane

    ArXane What secret?

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    Sick and wrong, yet very funny.