Differences Between Men & Women

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by scooterbear, May 6, 2003.

  1. scooterbear


    Likes Received:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Summit, MS
    [stereotype alert!]

    If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call
    each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Bob, Tom, Ryan
    and Dave go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
    Bonehead, Dogman, Cucciolo (thats "puppy" in italian) and Pooman.

    And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in
    $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have
    anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
    razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
    man would not be able to identify most of these items.

    To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
    chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot
    their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops
    in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a
    woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end
    of the note.

    A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store
    and buys them. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are
    half a lime and a Pepsi, then he goes grocery shopping. He buys
    everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout
    counter, his cart is packed tighter than the car on Beverly Hillbillies.
    Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less

    When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then
    slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag
    from Saks. When she gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five
    minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the
    desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
    dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and
    favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely
    aware of some short people living in the house.

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
    garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress
    up for weddings and funerals.

    Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of
    clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight
    years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of
    clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and
    take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to
    meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by
    reruns of old episodes of "Love, American Style".