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developmental classes for men only

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Nov 17, 2004.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

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    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Location:
    Virginia
    OPEN TO MEN ONLY

    Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
    accept a maximum of eight participants sign up early and get a discount on registration.

    The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

    DAY ONE

    HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
    Step by step guide with slide presentation

    TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
    Roundtable discussion

    DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
    Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

    DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR
    DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
    Debate among a panel of experts.

    LOSS OF VIRILITY
    Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and
    support groups

    LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
    Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house
    upside down while screaming - Open forum


    DAY TWO

    EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
    Group discussion and role play

    HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
    PowerPoint presentation

    REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
    Real life testimonial from the one man who did

    IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
    Driving simulation

    LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR
    PARTNER
    Online class and role playing

    HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
    Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

    REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
    Bring your calendar or PDA to class

    GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

    Individual counsellors available
     
  2. StoneGiant

    StoneGiant

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    Joined:
    May 31, 2003
    Location:
    Derry, NH
    OPEN LETTER TO MEN ONLY... Part II

    Understanding the Rules


    For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the Rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

    Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
    points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

    Here is a guide to the points system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES:
    You make the bed.....+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
    You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
    You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....-1
    When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2
    You go out to buy her a treat......+5
    In the snow .....+8
    But return with beer.....-5
    And no treat.....-25
    You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
    You pummel it with a six iron....+10
    It's her cat.....-40

    AT THE PARTY:
    You stay by her side the entire party.....+1
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2
    Named Tiffany....-4
    Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
    With breast implants.....-18

    HER BIRTHDAY:
    You remember her birthday.....0
    You buy a card and flowers.....0
    You take her out to dinner.....0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
    It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10

    A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
    Go with a pal.....0
    The pal is happily married.....+1
    The pal is single.....-7
    He drives a Ferrari.....-10
    With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

    A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:
    You take her to a movie.....+2
    You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
    You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
    You take her to a movie you like....-2
    It's called Death Cop III.....-3
    Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

    YOUR PHYSIQUE:
    You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
    You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
    You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

    THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
    You hesitate in responding.....-10
    You reply, "Where?".....-35
    You reply, "No, I think it's your ***"......- 100
    Any other response.....-20

    COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:
    You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
    You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
    You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50
    You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying well, what do you think I should do?".....- 100
    You have fallen asleep....-200

    IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH:
    You talk.....-100
    You don't talk.....-150
    You spend time with her......-200
    You don't spend time with her.....-500
    You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000

    Game Over - YOU LOSE