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Declaration of Independence Reply

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 7, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    The Court of King George III
    London, England

    July 10, 1776

    Mr. Thomas Jefferson
    c/o The Continental Congress
    Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

    Dear Mr. Jefferson:

    We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great
    interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking,
    and many of your statements do merit serious consideration.
    Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently
    adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must
    return the document to you for further refinement. The questions
    which follow might assist you in your process of revision:

    1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of
    Nature and Nature`s God." What are these laws? In what way are
    they the criteria on which you base your central arguments?
    Please document with citations from the recent literature.

    2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind."
    Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it
    seems to us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion.

    3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you please
    elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not
    be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting
    statistics.

    4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the
    goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you
    were to say that "among these is the ability to sustain an
    average life expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55
    years, and to enable newspapers in the colonies to print news
    without outside interference, and to raise the average income of
    the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years," these could be
    measurable goals. Please clarify.

    5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes
    destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter
    or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government...." Have you
    weighed this assertion against all the alternatives? What are the
    trade-off considerations?

    6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive.
    Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of
    goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement.

    7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all.
    You state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent
    States," and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the
    British Crown." Who or what must change to achieve this
    objective? In what way must they change? What specific steps will
    you take to overcome the resistance? How long will it take? We
    have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to
    prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are your
    strategies?

    8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for
    implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the
    theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory committee?
    Please submit an organization chart and vitas of the principal
    investigators.

    9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring
    this since Queen Anne`s War.

    10. What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include
    any assessment of this inspires little confidence in the
    long-range prospects of your undertaking.

    11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized
    budget, and manpower utilization matrix.

    We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your
    "Declaration of Independence." We welcome the submission of your
    revised proposal. Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July
    31, 1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required.

    Sincerely,

    Management Analyst to the British Crown
     
  2. David_G17

    David_G17 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

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    can't the King apoint a committee to look into these allegations of independence?

    more studies are needed.
     

  3. rlfjr

    rlfjr NRA Life Member

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    Nuts

    (I would have suggested f*** you, but it would have been censored.)
     
  4. SomeGuyInAHat

    SomeGuyInAHat

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    Tom, how's it going?

    Yeah, um, we're doing a new think with the Declarations. I guess you didn't get the memo. It's just that, well, we're putting the new cover sheets on all of the Declarations of Independence, so if you could just go ahead and do that for now, and I'll make sure you get another copy of that memo, alright? Ok, then. Oh, and by the way, we're going to need you to go ahead and come in on Saturday. Thanks, Tom.