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'David vs Goliath, the origin of rock and roll

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Bill Powell, Jul 15, 2004.

  1. Bill Powell

    Bill Powell Cross Member CLM

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    Little David was sittin out amidst the sand dunes, abiding with the sheep. when his poppa come up with a bag of victuals. He said he'd brought the victuals to take to his brother what was doing battle with the Philidelphians. He said he'd do it, and headed out across the sand dunes, with his massive tennis shod feet pounding the turf. "Rejoice, he came upon his brothers what was fighting the Philidelphians, and said, "Look what I have brung ya'll, ssome kosher charcoal broiled sow's ears, and some stewed tomater sandwiches, so you gotta lift and eat fast lest it fall through the crust. I brung you RCs and moon pies, and afterdinner snuff." The brotheres consumed it, and started to go to sleep. David said, "Wait a minute, what ya'll doing leaving me to whip up on the philidelphians all by myself." The brothers said you aint gonna have to, cause they brung a giant in on us. "aint no Giant gonna play with no Philidelphian" The brothers said they do in this game and you can hear him coming through the bushes.

    Little David looked up and the giant looked down, and said, "Boy, I'm gonna hit you on your head so hard you're gonna ring like a ten penny finishing nail hit with a greasy ball peen hammer." Little David said, "You aint gonna hurt none of me." He looked around the river bed for a smooth flat river rock, and behold, came upon such a rock and placed it upon a blue suede tennis shoe tongue attached to two stage lines, and commenced to wind. He flung that rock, the giant went ouch, cause it hurt him dear hearts. Little David pounced on the giant with glee, and relieved him of his coin purse.

    That, dear hearts, is the origin of rock and roll. Little David takened a rock, and he rolled that Giant.




    Brother Dave, cut me some slack; it's been thirty years since I heard that.....plus, i had to edit to fit time and space.........
     
  2. Matthew Courtney

    Matthew Courtney Instructor #298

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  3. StoneGiant

    StoneGiant

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    The source is "Brother Dave Gardner"... and dates back to the 1960's.
     
  4. Bill Powell

    Bill Powell Cross Member CLM

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    Yes he was. You know he was a minister at one time, but the fire and brimstone baptists didn't like levity in the pulpit.

    The most important question he used to ask was how is it that a county sheriff can afford to spend three hundred seventy five thousand dollars to campaign for a job that pays twelve thousand five hundred a year. That, and historical stuff like the true account of the slaying of Ceasar.
     
  5. StoneGiant

    StoneGiant

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    My favorite was the story about Chuck, the motorcycle guy, and his girlfriend, Baby.... and how old Chuck put his motorsickle jacket on Baby, but she was still cold. So he put it on her with the zipper in back so she'd be warmer.

    ..... [long story about following a slow vehicle with the bumber sticker that said, "I MAY BE SLOW, BUT I'M AHEAD OF YOU !" .... and the eventual accident. ]


    "Well, old Chuck, he was killed outright. But Baby was ok. That is, she was ok until they tried to turn her head around."

    Doesn't sound too funny 40 years later, but somehow it was a riot when Brother Dave was telling it.

    ;f
     
  6. Bill Powell

    Bill Powell Cross Member CLM

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    I think they're still funny.

    Wha happen heah? Wha happen these lov'ly children?
     
  7. Philo T.

    Philo T.

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    I once lived in Bro. Dave's hometown. The local rumor was that for his last joke, he had a friend swap his ashes before burial, so that his grave actually contains kitty litter.
     
  8. milkdud

    milkdud

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    Giant Troll: "Are you gonna be here when John gets here?"

    House sitter: "If you ain't John, I'm GONE !"

    -------------

    Sheriff: "L.C. What did you do to my brand new police cruiser?"

    . . . . . . .

    L.C." So by then I knew he wanted to race and I shoved it up into "R".

    ---------

    New visitor to Chicago spying a $50 bill on the ground: "I'll just pick you up tomorrow. I ain't gonna work on my first day in Chicago."

    Bro. Dave, you're surely missed!
     
  9. Bill Powell

    Bill Powell Cross Member CLM

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    And there was Ceasar, leanin agin the TV, picking his teeth with a locust leg, watching the latest episode of the Helen of Troy story.

    It's been so many years, I don't remember the lines clearly. Hust bits and pieces.


    I do remember it was a double clutchin, E-flat, Semi, Tractor/Trailer truck. Teeth, hair and eyeballs all over the pavement, Sheriff's car pull up and stop, skeek, Dear Hearts it don't even raise up in back. Big fishin pole on back, going swish-swish. I do remember he didn't record many of those in the north.
     
  10. Philo T.

    Philo T.

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    IIRC, the "fishing pole" said "a-shooba-shooba-shooba." Ya'll are bringing back some long-latent memories!