close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Daffynitions

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Blitzer, May 13, 2006.

  1. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,111
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

    Here are the 2003 winners:

    1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

    2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

    3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

    5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

    8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

    10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

    11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

    12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

    13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

    14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

    15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

    And the pick of the literature:

    18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ***.
     
  2. mnMACD

    mnMACD Non-Gunner

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Veazie
    That is some funny stuff man. The many "Bushisms" I've heard are synonymous with every bush speech.
     

  3. mnMACD

    mnMACD Non-Gunner

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Veazie
    Hey do you mind if I copy and paste this. My brother would love this.
     
  4. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,111
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    Ain't mine to control, have at it!
     
  5. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,111
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    20 Words That Should Exist (by Rich Hall)

    1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid)
    adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

    2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus)
    adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

    3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um)
    n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye (or ear).

    4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side)
    n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

    5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks)
    n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.

    6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun)
    n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

    7. DIMP (dimp)
    n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"

    8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt')
    v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.

    9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma)
    n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.

    10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)
    n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

    11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks)
    n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. (or on an airplane!)

    12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)
    n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

    13. FRUST (frust)
    n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

    14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)
    n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.

    15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see)
    n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

    16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay')
    n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

    17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik)
    adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

    18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.
    The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

    19. PUPKUS (pup' kus)
    n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

    20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)
    n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
     
  6. mnMACD

    mnMACD Non-Gunner

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Veazie
    do you know who owns it. I wouldn't wanna ppiss any oone off by copying a copyrighted pece of material.