Dad

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by as400guy1, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. as400guy1

    as400guy1

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    Well, its been expected for a while. Got a call from my mother. My dad is going into hospice. He's been pretty bad for about a year and a half. I've been preparing myself but its still a kick in the gut. I'm really worried about mom now.
    Bad thing is that they're 600 miles away.
     
  2. ranger1968

    ranger1968

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    Go see them;

    Go see them NOW; if you cannot go right now, go as soon as you possibly can.

    Spend as much time as you can with both of them

    If you don't you will regret it later, and you can never get that time back (I know this personally) so do it now.....
     

  3. Sgt127

    Sgt127

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    Dang. I'm sorry. How's your mom mentally and physically?

    If he's been that sick for that long, his suffering will end. He fought a good fight, it's time to rest.
     
  4. Radius_Retention_Systems

    Radius_Retention_Systems RADIUS RETENTION SYSTEMS

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    My Dad died when I was 24, I never got to ask him all the things a guy asks as an adult, has always bothered me, go see them, get them situated.
    One thing my Dad always drilled into me that I do have from him throughout life is this; "Do the next right indicated thing".
    Thanks Dad!
    Go see them... ;-)
     
  5. Huaco Kid

    Huaco Kid

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    I've posted a dozen "Dad" stories here before.

    Thanks, Dad!
     
  6. as400guy1

    as400guy1

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    I'm going to talk to my boss in the morning about taking some time.
    Moms been strong but I could hear something in her voice.
     
  7. ranger1968

    ranger1968

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    Listen to what you heard in her voice, and listen to your heart;

    Go, as soon as you can.
     
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  8. G19Tony

    G19Tony Sneet CLM

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    There was no talking to the boss when I got the call. I told dispatch that "I'm going" We were all there when he died two days later. :sadangel:

     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2015
  9. Pierre!

    Pierre! NRA Life Member

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    Better than 1000 miles away...

    Go. If they have to send you money, Go.

    Only one chance at this. It's hard to see our once vibrant parent so helpless.... but one day it will be us. If we have children, they will be watching closely.

    So we reap what we sow..

    I missed Dad's passing, went back for Mom's life celebration. Both are gone now.

    At least go have a conversation with him before he goes.

    My Dad and I talked several times prior to his carotid artery surgery, and he waited till I got back from my honeymoon to get the surgery. All was looking well for a while, then he passed suddenly in his sleep.

    When we reach that age we will realize how "vapor" thin life is.

    Go. Put it on a card, ask for help to get there and Go.
     
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  10. 2bgop

    2bgop

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    Very sorry for the news. As others have said, do what you need to do. It is horrible, but there is zero chance you will regret it. Prayers for your family.
     
  11. ranger1968

    ranger1968

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    This thread, and your situation, got me thinking about when we lost my father a little better than 4 years ago;

    I wrote this a few days after Dad died, and after we were back home, on another forum I spend a lot of time on... Please, take a minute or two to read it, and think about your situation; hopefully it will give you a bit of inspiration...


    "This is the first time I have been able to have a little time to myself, and sit down with my computer since Tuesday, and I wanted to take a moment to stop in here.....

    First off, I would like to thank all of you for your prayers and kind thoughts; they mean a lot to me, and to my family.

    It was a long, tough week.... On Tuesday, my mom was in the kitchen at their house,and called upstairs to my father. When he did not answer her, she went upstairs to see what was wrong. She found him collapsed in the bedroom, and while his eyes were open and he was breathing, he was unresponsive.

    She called 911, and my dad was transported to the local hospital; they looked at him, and immediately had him transferred to another , larger hospital, one with a large ICU that specialized in neurology....I received a phone call from my sister , and I learned that Dad had suffered a massive brain hemorrhage, and that it did not look promising. I immediately packed a bag and prepared to hit the road....before I left, my 13 year old son,Liam asked me if I was worried...I told him that I was. He responded " I'm not worried , Dad; you'll save him, you have saved lots of people"..... I wasn't so sure this time.

    I drove the two and a half hours to West Palm Beach , and met my brother and sisters and my mom at the hospital; a few hours later, my other brothers and sisters flew in from other parts of the country, and soon the 7 of us and my mom were there at his side; it was a difficult sight, this man who had always been so strong, now lying in a bed , attached to all of those tubes and machines....He was still a large, powerful man, and Alzheimer's had taken a lot of his memory, but to see him like this was a bad shock.

    We stayed by his side from that point on; Dad continued to get worse, and on Wednesday, the neurologist spoke to us; he told us that Dad was getting worse, and that his breathing was becoming labored, and that we had to make the choice as to whether we wanted to have him placed on a ventilator; We discussed it for hours, and my Mom made the decision to let things take their course.

    They kept Dad in the ICU , and on Thursday The Dr. spoke to us all again; he explained , as he had before, that Dad, at age 80, was not a candidate for brain surgery, and that the swelling had progressed; he also explained that the Alzheimer's' had allowed Dad's brain to atrophy, creating more room in his head for the swelling; in short, if he were 25, he would have been dead already, but the Alzheimer's, in a cruel irony, had kept him alive.

    The doctor told us that they could still put him on a respirator, and that this would keep him alive indefinitely, but that Dad would probably never wake up, and that if he did, he would not be able to function well, if at all.

    To a person, we agreed that our father would not have wanted to live like that; He had said it on many occasions.

    Friday morning, they moved Dad to a Hospice facility nearby, and most of the gadgets were removed from him; they kept him on oxygen, and he was given morphine to keep him comfortable, but that was it. We stayed with him, and kept him company. We are Catholic, and this was a Catholic facility; the priest visited with Dad and anointed him and said a few words, and spent a little time talking to Mom; she took much comfort from this, and the priest told us,that in his work, he sees a lot of situations like this one, and that often, the person is alone; he said that it was very good to see so many of us there for our mom and dad; we said we would not have it any other way.

    Dad fought hard, and had been fighting all week; his face, since Tuesday, had been contorted with effort, with visible lines on his forehead, and his jaw had been tight; Around 2:00 AM yesterday, he seemed to relax, and his features smoothed out.

    His breathing became steadily more shallow, and slower. We all told him that we loved him, and that it was all right to go; we would take care of Mom.

    My mom , this small woman with white hair, who had been married to him for 60 years, and who was by his side all of that time, was by his side now; she told him that she loved him , and that he could let go; then she began to cry softly, along with the rest of us....We were all there, and he was surrounded by people that loved him.

    A few minutes later, , Dad took a shallow breath, let it out, and then did not take another one...his heart continued to beat, winding down like a clock, and finally stopped.

    Dad was fighter, and he had fought hard, but some fights you can't win;

    Dad died at 3:40 am yesterday.

    Just like that, he was gone; the man that raised us, and who, along with our Mom , had taught us to keep our promises, , to have honor, to work hard, to tell the truth, and to become the men and women that we grew up to be, was gone.

    Everything I am, as a man and as a father, I owe to him....and now he is gone.....and I miss him already.

    But maybe he's not gone;

    I guess as long as we keep him in our hearts, he is still here with us; he has gone to a better place, and for that I am thankful; he left behind a wife, 7 children , 13 grand children, and 3 great grandchildren We will remember him warmly, and we are happy that we could be there for him in his last days, the way he was there for us , always....

    I love you Dad, and I'll miss you.

    [​IMG]

    And if you see me crying, Dad, I'm not crying for you; I'm crying for me.



    Thanks for reading this , guys, I know it was a little long, but it helped me to write it.

    You all take care, and I will see you soon..... "
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2015
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  12. as400guy1

    as400guy1

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    Thank you all for your advice.
     
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  13. Lone_Wolfe

    Lone_Wolfe CLM

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    Most airlines will offer you a very reduced airfare for a situation like this, and will put you on the next available flight. This is one time when you need to get on that plane.
     
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  14. TBO

    TBO Why so serious? CLM

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    Prayers for you and your family.

    If you can I concur with visit as soon/long /frequently as you can.

    God bless you and protect you on your journey.

    Sent from my Jack boot using Copatalk
     
  15. 2bgop

    2bgop

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    This is an excellent point. When my father in law was nearing the end, the airlines went out of their way to make it easier for us to travel. Don't be afraid to ask and see if they can be helpful.
     
  16. as400guy1

    as400guy1

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    Getting there really isnt an issue. 10 hour drive.
     
  17. robin303

    robin303 Helicopter Nut

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    Sorry to hear this. Do what you can to see him.
     
  18. silentpoet

    silentpoet

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    I lost my dad six years and 11 days ago. 1 day after his birthday. Praying for you and yours.
     
  19. IndyGunFreak

    IndyGunFreak

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    Very sorry for your loss. May God grant you and your family peace and understanding.
     
  20. nursetim

    nursetim

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    Prayer for you and your family. I have nothing to add other than to echo what has already been written. God bless.