Customer Service

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Apr 21, 2004.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

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    Sep 10, 2001
    Aunt Isabel died in July. Citibank billed her for August and September's monthly service charge, plus late fees and interest. Her -0- (zero) balance is now $60.00. So, I placed a call to Citibank regarding the billing.

    Me: "I'm calling to tell you she died in July."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed, so the charges will still apply."

    Me: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."

    Citibank: "Since the account is 2 months past due, it already has been sent to collections."

    Me: "So, what do they do when they find out she's dead?"

    Citibank: "Either report her to the fraud division, or the credit bureau, or both!"

    Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

    Citibank: "Excuse me?"

    Me: "What part of 'she died' is giving you trouble?"

    Citibank: "Ma'am, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

    (Supervisor gets on the phone. )

    Me: "I'm calling to let you know she died in July."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed, so the charges still apply."

    Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

    Citibank: (Stammering). . . "Are you her lawyer?"

    Me: "Nope, just her great niece". (Lawyer information given to the supervisor.)

    Citibank: "Could you fax us a Certificate of Death?"

    Me: "Sure!"

    (After I fax the Certificate of Death...)

    Citibank: "Our system isn't set up for death."

    Me: "Oh?"

    Citibank: "I don't know what more I can do to help."

    Me: "Well, I guess you can just keep billing her. I don't really think she'll care."

    Citibank: "You understand the late fees and charges still apply?"

    Me: "Okaaaay. Would you like her new billing address?"

    Citibank: "Please!"

    Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 34."

    Citibank: "Uhhh, --- ma'am, that's a cemetery!"

    Me: "Ummm, well, yes it is .. what do you do with dead people on your planet?"
  2. Flashpoint

    Flashpoint NRA Member

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    Feb 5, 2004
    I think 99% of those customer service reps, be it a credit card company, cell phone company or whatever, has the I.Q. of a log. If the computer doesn't tell them what to do they can't function, it's like someone has removed thier brain and they can no longer think for themselves.;l

  3. AMX


    Likes Received:
    Feb 10, 2004
    Vienna, Austria
    Honestly, I think IRL it would have gone like this:
    "So she's dead.
    Um, you mentioned you were a relative?
    I guess it'll be OK if we just bill you instead.
    Have a nice day, and don't forget to pay."