A little old Lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Mamm, the Crisco is in aisle 3." The old Lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my Husband. He's in here somewhere." The clerk is astonished. "Your Husband's name is Crisco?" The old Lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lard ***.."