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Cow Politics

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by ERASER, Nov 18, 2003.

  1. ERASER

    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

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    Cow Politics



    DEMOCRAT



    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings at your birthday party.



    REPUBLICAN



    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?



    SOCIALIST



    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



    COMMUNIST



    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.



    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE



    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE



    You have two cows.
    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
    both to
    support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
    which was a
    gift from your government.



    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE



    You have two cows.
    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
    other, pays you
    for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.



    AMERICAN CORPORATION



    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
    the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
    You are
    surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
    announcement to the
    analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing
    expenses. Your
    stock goes up.



    FRENCH CORPORATION



    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.



    JAPANESE CORPORATION



    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
    ordinary cow
    and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
    unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their
    class at
    cow school.



    GERMAN CORPORATION



    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
    beer, give
    excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
    year.



    ITALIAN CORPORATION



    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.



    RUSSIAN CORPORATION



    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Russian Mafia shows up and takes over however many
    cows you
    really have.



    TALIBAN CORPORATION



    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
    creature's private
    parts.
    Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while
    they were
    in the hospital.



    IRAQIAN CORPORATION



    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.



    POLISH CORPORATION



    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
    milk them.



    FLORIDA CORPORATION



    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for
    the black
    one.
    Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
    Some people
    can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of
    guys from
    out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.



    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION



    You have millions of cows.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big ****.
     
  2. JHS

    JHS Millennium Member

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    Location:
    Goodwell, Okla.