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Cow joke

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by bangelo, Apr 22, 2004.

  1. bangelo

    bangelo MAC dADDY

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    Q: What do you call a cow with 3 legs?















    A: Lean beef.


    Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?






















    A: Ground beef.;a
     
  2. pizzaaguy

    pizzaaguy

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    Those puns are UDDERLY rediculous. ;f
     

  3. bangelo

    bangelo MAC dADDY

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    Send me a check for 20 dollars since water came out my nose all over my new keyboard!^5
     
  4. HankB

    HankB

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    Q: Why does Rawlings make the best baseball mitts?

    A: They use the part of the cow that already has fingers.


    Q: What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?

    A: Udder disaster.


    C'mon guys laugh . . . I wouldn't give you a bum steer.
     
  5. riddleofsteel

    riddleofsteel Pulpa est valeo

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    Wadda call a dog with no legs?












    It don't matter he won't come anyway.
     
  6. Markie

    Markie Church of Mark

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    What do you call a cow that has had an abortion?...


    decaffeinated...
     
  7. pesticidal

    pesticidal Eh? CLM

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    What are the spots on black and white cows?
    Holstains
    What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
    Milk of Amnesia

    Have you ever heard the term "When Pigs Fly!"......
    Well what if it were "When Cows Fly!"
    Where do cows go when they want a night out?
    To the moo-vies!
    What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
    Bull-dozin'

    Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
    The farmer had cold hands.
    What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
    "It's just an udder day"

    How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
    With a Cowlculator

    Why don't cows have any money?
    Because farmers milk them dry

    Where do Russians get their milk?
    From Mos-cows

    What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
    Beef-flat

    What do cows wear in Hawaii?
    Moo- moos

    What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
    Decalfenated

    Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
    Because her horn didn't work
     
  8. pesticidal

    pesticidal Eh? CLM

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    TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

    FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

    CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows... both are mad.

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows... and the one on the left is kinda cute...