A man stumbled out of a bar. A cop saw him and asked, "can i help you." "yesssh! Sshomebody ssshtole my car," the man replied. The cop asked, "where was the car the last time you saw it?" "it was at the end of this key," the man slurred in reply. The officer looked down and saw that the mans ***** was hanging out of his fly. He asked, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The drunk looked down and blurted out, "son of a *****! they got my girlfriend too!" **************************** ED ZACHARY DISEASE: A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me." So she did. Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad, you haff Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haff sex or dates." Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your butt."