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Concerned mothers for more effective weapons inspections

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Mar 8, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

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    Have you noticed anything strange about the inspection teams who have
    arrived in Iraq? They're all men!

    How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find
    Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to
    finding things. For crying' out loud! They can't find the dirty clothes
    hamper. They can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard
    and splatters on the floor.... And these are the people we have sent into
    Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction? They probably
    couldn't find a weapon if they were lying in the middle of a dusty street
    with a picture of Saddam aiming a rifle in the air taped on the of side of
    their missile casing.

    I keep wondering why groups of women weren't sent in---preferably mothers.
    After all, mothers know that their boys can't find their socks
    or underwear when they're neatly folded in their dresser drawers, so how
    could they be expected to find hidden biological weapons? On the other hand,
    mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of
    pot.

    What we need over there are women like my mother.

    My mother could find the old olive bottles filled with dimes that dad
    stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. She could sniff out a diary two
    rooms and one floor away. She always knew when the lid of the cookie jar had
    been disturbed, and I swear she must have dusted for prints on the roll of
    salami that was always in the refrigerator. She knew if a slice had been
    removed and by whom.

    I developed her ability to stalk out criminal activity when my kids were at
    home. They couldn't get away with much that I didn't know about. They still
    think they got away with a lot, but actually I always knew what they were
    doing, and if I decided that what they were doing was not too important or
    dangerous, I allowed them to think they were getting away with it. It was
    important for them to think they have an uncanny ability to pull the wool
    over mom's eyes occasionally.

    But male inspectors? Going after Saddam?

    Now I know that our country has gone mad. Those inspectors will rely on
    electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats. They will try to use
    science to find chemicals. These men, dressed in their pretentious
    jumpsuits, carrying their bulging briefcases, will barge into palaces and
    hovels, look around and then officiously announce, "all clear".

    But if mothers were sent in they wouldn't need body suits, briefcases or
    science. Mothers would go in, charge up to Saddam and, with their hands on
    their hips, demand, "do you have any weapons of mass destruction?" and they
    could tell in an instant whether he was lying or
    telling the truth.

    And mothers would be quite capable of finding his cache no matter how
    cleverly he thought it was hidden.

    God help him once it was found; he would be chastised until he begged for
    mercy. He wouldn't be given a "time-out"; he would get an old fashioned butt
    kicking by women who are adept at butt kicking. And by the time these women
    finished with Saddam, he would be sitting in the middle of a dusty road with
    a limp rifle and a stunned look on his evil face.

    Signed: Concerned mothers for more effective weapons inspections.
     
  2. AC37

    AC37 SystemicAnomaly

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    Love it! ;f