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College football scouting report

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by SoDFW Jason, Aug 5, 2003.

  1. SoDFW Jason

    SoDFW Jason Slow Hillbilly

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    Less than 3 months to Kick Off!
    >2003 Football Scouting Report
    >
    >The following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I
    >football coaches:
    >
    >Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from
    >Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini
    >cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you
    >knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his
    >complete name.
    >
    >****************
    >Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state
    >scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C. Also led the state
    >in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2
    >seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
    >
    >****************
    >Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler,
    >Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.
    >Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change
    >colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
    >brick."
    >
    >****************
    >Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation
    >welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims
    >Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial
    >pending but feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said
    >something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q.
    >as 20-20.
    >
    >***************
    >Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an
    >Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the
    >"N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this
    >school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number 32
    >jersey since it matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
    >
    >****************
    >Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
    >paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9
    >victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent
    >with six other colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild
    >women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone
    >Company.
    >
    >****************
    >Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
    >under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion..
    >Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville.
    >Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning
    >of many other
    >words, either.)
    >
    >****************
    >Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees
    >in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at
    >track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm....this,
    >they hope, will keep the runners alert.