COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . . . 60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens. 50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Madison sunbathe. 40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Superior gets thicker. 20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt. 15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold. Zero: People in Miami all die. Wisconsin close the windows. 10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats. 25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door. 40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors. 100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van. 460 (-459.67 F below zero): ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Wisconsin start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?" 500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late.