Keep talking and keep reaching out. Depression can be a dark and lonely place. Depression is real. There is lots of great advice in this thread and I'm sure many here would not mind you reaching out in private message. I know a guy who has dealt with anxiety and depression for years. Recently he has been taking CBD oil and is no longer on meds and is doing better than he has in years. A positive side effect is his blood pressure is also improved and his doctor has reduces those meds as well. Also the guy doesn't feel he is in a fog after coming off of several of his meds.