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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jul 16, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
    appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

    1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
    Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

    2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING
    Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
    includes meals."

    3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
    tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

    4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
    the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

    5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
    those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
    husbands."

    6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
    due to a conflict.

    7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

    8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who
    doesn't care much about you.

    9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    10. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
    obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
    nursery downstairs.

    12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all
    the help they can get.

    13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
    transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes
    of Pastor Jack's sermons.

    14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
    hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

    15. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
    will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

    16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
    Music will follow.

    18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
    Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    19. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    20. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
    recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    21. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed
    potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

    22. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
    person you want remembered.

    23. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
    lunch.

    24. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
    entertainment, and gracious hostility.

    25. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM- prayer and medication to follow.

    26. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
    They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    27. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across
    from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    28. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies
    are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
    The pastor would appreciated it if the ladies of the congregation would
    lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    29. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
    use the back door.

    30. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
    Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend
    this tragedy.

    31. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
    Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    32. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

    33. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
    slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

    34. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
     
  2. DaHaMac

    DaHaMac

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    Location:
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    ;f ;a ;f ;a ;f

    ROTFL let me catch my breath. I have seen similiar typos before and these are always hilarious.
     

  3. dented brass

    dented brass Wrench Swinger

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    LMAO;i
    Nice avatar too Okie.;f
     
  4. DWavs

    DWavs Moderator Moderator

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  5. Darthmerj

    Darthmerj

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    this is one of the funniest things I have ever read!
     
  6. AC37

    AC37 SystemicAnomaly

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Provo, UT

    Dear goodness, I haven't laughed that hard in a loooonggg time!

    Thanks!


    (Btw, Okie, I never heard back from you on that holster thing...did you find one?)