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Church Football

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by scooterbear, Aug 1, 2003.

  1. scooterbear

    scooterbear

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    Church Football Definitions:


    Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.


    Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.


    Halftime - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.


    Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do
    anything but sit.


    Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water
    fountain) during the service.


    Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be
    given to the Lord's work.


    Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.


    Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last
    week's illustrations.


    Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."


    Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.


    End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.


    Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.


    Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.


    Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
    --
     
  2. dport

    dport

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    Not to nitpick, well actually if I'm pointing it out then I am nitpicking, so that's a lie. I guess I just don't want to be rude about it. However, I believe it should be invocation and not invitation.
     

  3. trcubed

    trcubed Senior Member

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    Nope...invitation is correct.

    It's a Baptist thang, ya know...
     
  4. dport

    dport

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    Oh so invitation as in to the alter; not the opening prayer then?
     
  5. trcubed

    trcubed Senior Member

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    That's it. An invocation would be the opening prayer, but the invitation usually is the official close of the service and the last thing a Baptist preacher does before the congregation bolts for the parking lot.

    Not that I would ever do that... ;)
     
  6. trcubed

    trcubed Senior Member

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    sorry...double tap
     
  7. dport

    dport

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    I grew up going to an Assemblies of God, so you'd think I'd know about the invitation to the alter. That used to be torture as a kid. But lately, I've been to more ceremonies than I care to recount, and there is, of course, always an invocation. I usually want to sneak out at that point. I absolutely hate ceremonies.