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Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker....

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Eddie C., Jun 4, 2003.

  1. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

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    "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
    > > I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
    > > about the workers in the brewery and all of their
    > > hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
    > > might be out of work and their dreams would be
    > > shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I
    > > drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
    > > worry about my liver." by Jack Handy
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
    > > wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
    > > going to feel all day." by Frank Sinatra
    > >
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
    > > spend time with his fools." by Ernest Hemingway
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
    > > reading. by Henny Youngman
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I
    > > think not. by Stephen Wright
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > "Without question, the greatest invention in the
    > > history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
    > > wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
    > > not go nearly as well with pizza. by Dave Barry
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a
    > > can!
    > >
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > >
    > > And saving the best for last, As explained by Cliff
    > > Clavin, of Cheers.
    > > One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining
    > > the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it
    > > went:
    > >
    > > "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of
    > > buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
    > > And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
    > > weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
    > > natural selection's good for the herd as a whole,
    > > because the general speed and health of the whole
    > > group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
    > > weakest members. "In much the same way, the human
    > > brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
    > > cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
    > > brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest
    > > and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of
    > > the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
    > > machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."