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changing oil

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Sep 4, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Oil Changing Instructions for Women:


    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.


    2) Drink a cup of coffee.


    3)15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent: $20.00 for oil change $1.00 for coffee
    Total = $21.00

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Oil Change instructions for Men:


    1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts and write a check
    for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty Litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.


    2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.


    3) Open a beer and drink it.


    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.


    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.


    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.


    7) Place drain pan under engine.


    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.


    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.


    10) Unscrew drain plug.


    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.


    12) Clean up mess.


    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.


    14) Look for oil filter wrench.


    15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.


    16) Beer.


    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.


    18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.


    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.


    20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.


    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.


    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.


    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.


    24) Remember drain plug from step 11.


    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.


    26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

    27) Drink beer.
     
  2. AC37

    AC37 SystemicAnomaly

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    Lol, guess I'm a woman then....;) ;i ;f
     

  3. gwalchmai

    gwalchmai Lucky Member

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    1: Take car to Jiffy Lube.

    2: Drink coffee while oil is changed. Decline "mechanic's" advice to change transmission fluid ($79.99) at "recommended" 20,000 mile interval, despite warning of dire consequences.

    3: Pay for oil change, clean grease off steering wheel, drive away.

    4: Notice burnt oil smell 1 mile away from JL.

    5: Pull over and look at engine. Find half quart of oil spilled on top of engine.

    6: Check drain plug. Find barely finger tight.

    7: Return to JL and complain. Manager responds with "It was that way when we got it." Manager backed up by three "mechanics", with wrenches.

    8: Complain to JL corporate, accept refund, decline offer of free oil change next time.
     
  4. larry_minn

    larry_minn Silver Member Millennium Member

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    Location:
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    Decide to have trans fluid/filter changed by Tires Plus to save time/effort. While at it have radiator flushed and new hoses put on. "they are rather bad"
    Drive 15 miles and hook load behind and in less then 2 miles have upper hose blow on interstate because "mechanic " tightened hose clamps to inlet and not hose. I.e metal the hose slides over rather then slide hose fully over and then tighten hose.
    Repair hose at side of interstate with flashlight and have local Deputy get you 4 gallons of water so you can limp to next town to fill up.
    Then complain to management who refunds you labor costs and gives you free oil change. RIGHT