Catholic Code Words

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Sep 21, 2005.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

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    *AMEN:* The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

    *BULLETIN*: Your receipt for attending Mass.

    *CHOIR:* A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

    *HOLY WATER*: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

    *HYMN:* A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

    *RECESSIONAL HYMN:* The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

    *INCENSE:* Holy Smoke!

    *JESUITS:* An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

    *JONAH:* The original "Jaws" story.

    *JUSTICE:* When kids have kids of their own.

    *KYRIE ELEISON:* The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

    *MAGI:* The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

    *MANGER:* Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

    *PEW:* A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

    *PROCESSIONAL:* The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

    *RECESSIONAL*: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

    *RELICS:* People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

    *TEN COMMANDMENTS*: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

    *USHERS:* The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
     
  2. Platypus

    Platypus

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    "*MANGER:* Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. "

    That is too funny. I am going to steal that one!!