Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long." Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth." Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before! Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir." Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to." Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!" Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!" Golfer: "This golf is a funny game." Caddy: "It's not supposed to be." Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old." Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir." Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." Golfer (screaming): "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!" Caddy: "I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!"