Butterball Turkey Talk-line

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by scooterbear, Nov 27, 2003.

  1. scooterbear


    Likes Received:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Summit, MS

    Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff has had their
    share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd
    because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran
    staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of
    our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. It's hard to
    beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey
    on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"),
    but some of these come pretty close.

    WARNING: Do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real
    incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!

    ~ Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the
    Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua
    jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried
    pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the
    dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the
    Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the
    cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!

    ~ Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have to interfere
    with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian. He called
    "TurkeyCentral" for turkey grilling tips while waiting to tee off from
    the 14th hole.

    ~ Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, "How do
    you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained that fresh
    turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed.

    ~ Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian
    woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed to
    host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time
    for turkey tips.

    ~ Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called to
    comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is more
    important than the President. He can take the day off, but the
    Talk-Line staff can't." (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open
    Thanksgiving Day, 6 am to 6 pm, CST.)

    ~ Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find
    out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question,
    the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman
    responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."

    * Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
    Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to
    know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.

    ~ White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to
    extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the
    Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she
    was advised to dispose of the turkey.

    ~ A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting
    advice. To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist asked
    what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl
    paused, then replied, "Medium."

    ~ A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting and
    wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting.
    Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist responded,
    "Yes," then offered complete roasting directions.

    ~ Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
    the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
    asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
    replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

  2. pfrigm


    Likes Received:
    Jan 28, 2001
    Check it out: http://www.freshtofu.com/tofu_turkey.html

    I friend's son wisely claimed a "family obligation" for turkey day to come to my place instead of his girlfriend's family where this "delicacy" was the main course.