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bunch of jokes

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Mar 22, 2004.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    Likes Received:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

    1. All the DNA is the same.

    2. There are no dental records

    A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take
    to fly fromSan FranciscotoNew York City?"

    The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

    "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.


    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

    "How was he killed?" asked one detective.

    "With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

    "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

    "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."


    The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken
    casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then
    you dump the stock.


    New Sex Study...

    It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married
    couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls
    over and plays dead.


    This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing
    the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of
    him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

    The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying
    me a drink."


    Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

    Joe: "Really?"

    Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."


    A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
    "I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
    surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!"


    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
    bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
    even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
    "What do you think?" I asked "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

    "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."


    Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by
    mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did
    that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did
    you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say "*******!" afterwards.