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blonde jokes ?

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by m1911a1, Aug 26, 2006.

  1. m1911a1

    m1911a1

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    Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

    They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

    ***************

    Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?

    She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese.

    ***************

    Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?

    There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

    *****************

    A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

    He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

    Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

    The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.

    ****************

    A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

    The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

    The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

    As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

    "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

    "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

    ****************

    A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

    The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."

    "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

    Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.

    "Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

    Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

    The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee."

    ***************

    A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

    The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

    Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

    Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

    ******************

    Saved the Best for Last!

    This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around. This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:

    A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

    The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

    Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

    "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

    "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
     
  2. gr81disp

    gr81disp Bushbot v1.0

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    Here are some good ones:

    How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool.

    Why does a blonde have TGIF written on her shoes? Toes Go In First.

    What explanation did the blonde helicopter pilot give for crashing? It was cold in the cockpit, so she turned off the fan.

    Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That is where you are supposed to wash vegetables.

    How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write "Turn Over" on both sides of a sheet of paper.

    Why do blondes spend hours in the shower? The shampoo says "Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

    Why did the blonde drive all the way to Florida for vacation and then turn around and go home? She saw a sign that said "Disney - Left"

    Did you hear about the blond that locked her keys in her car? She wanted the locksmith to hurry because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

    A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escape from prison. They are being chased by dogs by the wharf when they see three empty sacks laying on the pier. They all get in one and don't move. The dogs come up and begin barking. The officer pokes one and the brunette inside says, "Meow, meow, meow." The officer says, "Aww it is just kittens." The next sack he goes to has the redhead inside and she says, "Ssssss, sssssss, ssss." The officer jumps back, thinking it is snakes. The last sack has the blonde and when he pokes that bag she says, "potatoes, potatoes, potatoes."

    (Different joke) A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escape from prison. They are being chased by dogs when they see three trees in an open field. They each climb one just before the cops show up. The dogs begin barking up trees. The officer walks up to the first tree and yells, "Whoever it is, come out right now!" The Brunette thinks quick and says, "Meow." The officer says, "Stupid dog, chasing cats up trees. We have to find the fugitives." He goes to the second dog at the second tree, and again demands to know who is there. The red head thinks quick and says, "Tweet, tweet." The officer yells at the dog again, "What are you doing, chasing down little birdies? We have to find the fugitives!" Finally, he comes to the last tree and yells for whoever is up there to come down this instant. The blonde heard what the other two did so she said, "Mooooo."

    A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stranded on an island when they find a magic bottle with a genie. They are each granted one wish. The brunette says, "I want to be back home with my husband and kids." The genie grants her wish and she is instantly transported to her family. The redhead says, "I wanna be back out at the clubs partying." The genie grants her wish and she is back in downtown manhattan, living it up. Finally comes the blondes turn but she has suddenly begun crying. The genie says, "What is wrong, I can grant you any wish you desire? What do you want?" The blonde wails, "I want my friends back!"

    A blonde is driving down the road with the radio on when the DJ begins telling blonde jokes. She finally gets so upset she turns it off. Suddenly, she sees another blonde in the middle of a corn field in a rowboat, trying to go somewhere. She pulls her car over to the side of the road, stands on the hood and starts screaming, "IT IS BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME! IF I COULD SWIM I WOULD GO OUT THERE AND GIVE YOU WHAT'S COMING TO YOU!"

    A blonde driver in a brand new sports car cuts off a semi-truck on the interstate. The driver of the semi signals for the blonde to pull over, but she doesn't understands and just waves back. After fives exasperating minutes, she finally understands and pulls over. By this time the truck driver is livid. He grabs a piece of chalk and a crow bar out of his cab and walks over to her. He stands her facing her car and draws a circle in chalk around her. He says, "Don't move from this circle." He then turns around, walks up to her car with the crow bar and knocks off both of her side mirrors. He turns around to walk back to her and sees she is snickering. This really irritates him, so he goes back to the car and smashes out both of her head lights and driver side window. When he looks back she is openly laughing now. This drives him over the edge and he breaks all of her windows, lights, flattens her tires and puts holes all over the body. By the time he is done, her brand new cherry red sports car is a pile of scrap. But when he turns around she is literally on the ground laughing. Finally, curiousity gets the better of him. He asks her, "What is so funny? I just smashed your car into little bits and you are laughing hysterically." With tears in her eyes, the blonde tells him, "While you werent' looking I stepped out of the circle three times!"
     

  3. smith10

    smith10 10MM WOOOOOOT

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