Benefits of being female

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by 1loneranger, Sep 11, 2002.

  1. 1loneranger


    Likes Received:
    Sep 14, 2001
    Huntsville, AL NOW Hartselle, AL
    *We got off the Titanic first.
    * We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
    * When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's
    * Our boyfriend's clothes look elfin and gorgeous on us -- guys look like
    complete idiots in ours.
    * We can be groupies.
    * Male groupies are stalkers.
    * We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a
    computer game.
    * Taxis stop for us.
    * Men die sooner, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
    * We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
    * Free drinks.
    * Free dinners.
    * We can hug our friends without wondering if they think we're gay.
    * We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.
    * We know the truth about whether size matters.
    * New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
    * Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
    * It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
    * No fashion faux pas we make could rival the Speedo.
    * We don't fart to amuse ourselves.
    * If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
    * We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ***.
    * If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
    * We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are
    still there.
    * We have the ability to dress ourselves.
    *We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
    * We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once a month.
    * We can talk to people of the opposite sex without automatically picturing
    them naked.
    *If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an
    * Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in
    our teeth.
    * There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.
    * Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
    * We'll never regret piercing our ears.
    * We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
    * We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
  2. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    LOL thats
    funny;i ;i ;i ;f

  3. thisaway


    Likes Received:
    Jan 11, 2000
    Soddy Daisy, Tenn.
  4. Douglas in CT

    Douglas in CT Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Feb 8, 1999
    What does your CT Permit say?
    You just have to keep adjusting shoulder straps every 12 minutes or so.
    ;f ;a ;f ;)
  5. geminicricket

    geminicricket NRA Life member

    Likes Received:
    Apr 26, 2001
    Lewisville, TX USA
    I thought all women found sex to be a disappointing bore.

    size 10.
  6. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. CLM

    Likes Received:
    Feb 21, 2002
    State of Confusion
    Liked it a lot, thanks.
  7. Dogman

    Dogman Getting Senior

    Likes Received:
    May 6, 2000
    I wouldn't count that as a benefit. It's just something you'll never understand.

    We don't HAVE to. We WANT to. Like shaking hands: "How's it hanging, dude?"

    We CAN SO dress ourselves. We're just not a PICKY as the gals are. We don't care about what color our shoes are, if they fit and they're the proper function (sneakers, boots, etc), we're good to go.

    We have an excuse as well. It's the fact that you're in a cranky mood once a month.
  8. Wolfgangamadeus


    Likes Received:
    Jul 9, 2002
    The benefits of being male

    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack.
    You can be president.
    You can wear a white T shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    You don't really care if someone notices your new haircut.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
    Same work ... more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
    Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
    People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
    The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
    One mood, ALL the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
    You can leave the motel bed unmade.
    You can kill your own food.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
    You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
    You don't mooch off other's desserts.
    You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
    If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
    You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    You don't have to shave below your neck.
    Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
    You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes
  9. Guest


  10. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. CLM

    Likes Received:
    Feb 21, 2002
    State of Confusion
    Loved it Wolfgang!