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Before/After

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Apr 23, 2007.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE...


    BEFORE - You take my breath away.
    AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating.


    BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
    AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.


    BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
    AFTER - Monday Night Football


    BEFORE - Don't stop.
    AFTER - Don't start.


    BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
    AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, Honey.


    BEFORE - $60/doz.
    AFTER - $1.50/stem


    BEFORE - We agree on everything.
    AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?


    BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
    AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom


    BEFORE - Charming and Noble
    AFTER - Chernobyl


    BEFORE - Idol
    AFTER - Idle


    BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
    AFTER - I never said you were fat.


    BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.
    AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?


    BEFORE - Time stood still.
    AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere.


    BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
    AFTER - Bagel and instant


    BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
    AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing.


    BEFORE - Oysters
    AFTER - Fishsticks


    BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other.
    AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.


    BEFORE - Passion
    AFTER - Ration


    BEFORE - Once upon a time
    AFTER - The end