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Beer Troubleshooting Guide

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 10, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    FAULT: Glass empty.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
    FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
    ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar.

    SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    FAULT: You have fallen forward.
    ACTION: See above.

    SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in front of mirror.

    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
    FAULT: Improper bladder control.
    ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house
    training.

    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
    FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
    FAULT: You are being carried out.
    ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
    FAULT: Bar has closed.
    ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender before departure.

    SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
    FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
    ACTION: Cover mouth with bag.

    SYMPTOM: Consciousness regained without recollection of how you
    got there.
    FAULT: Probable time and/or space warp.
    ACTION: Ask bartender for another Guinness