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Basic Advice

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by hermosabeach, Mar 11, 2003.

  1. hermosabeach

    hermosabeach Coffee Drinker

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    Jun 27, 2002
    I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "What??"

    So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a "Woman."

    I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realise that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day we went shopping at a big department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK.

    And then we go to the jewellery deptartment where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

    She was almost sexually excited from all of this when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register," I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, " No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

    You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

    I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during spring 2005.

  2. David_G17

    David_G17 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

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    Oct 7, 2002
    what an optimist.

  3. mhambi

    mhambi κολασμένος

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    Sep 25, 2001
    yup- definitly a typo

    more like 5002.