Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, May 1, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
    "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim
    of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic,
    computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.

    This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own
    X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell"
    series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair
    of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and
    glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors
    and HP calculators optional.)

    The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without
    blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours
    straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as
    "What's you're Internet address?", "I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your
    kernel must have gotten trashed," "Can't you grep that file?", and
    "DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"

    "We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing
    Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
    incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie
    dolls that say, "Math is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The
    Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent management consultant who
    frequently asks Barbie for help.

    The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie
    dolls. Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally
    terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when it comes to
    mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical
    superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the
    masses." Mattel made no comment.

    Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the children
    technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny
    plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two days," says Mrs. Mary
    Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi, "and now she pays my credit card
    bill online. Got no idea how she does it, but she surely does it. I just
    don't wanna be looked upon as some dumb mama." Mattel will be offering
    free training courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.

    The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with
    the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach
    computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARBIE RITES L1KE BIFF!!!" will
    serve as an introduction to expository writing.