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Banned From Wal-Mart

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by obiestreasures, Feb 23, 2009.

  1. obiestreasures


    Likes Received:
    Apr 9, 2008
    Northeastern Pa.
    This is funny stuff! we can all use a laugh once in awhile!

    Subject: Banned from Wal-Mart
    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips

    to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring

    and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife

    is like most women - she loved to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local


    Dear Mrs. Low

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a

    commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have

    been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against

    Mr. Low are listed below and are documented by our video

    surveillance cameras.

    1.. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in

    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-

    minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official

    voice, `Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's

    on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other

    shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets

    from the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began

    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as

    a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he

    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly

    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna

    look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed

    through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

    assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES


    And last, but not least...

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

    awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in



    Charlotte S. Orient
    Elementary Education
    California University of PA
    California, PA 154100