You Know You've Had a Rough Day When... You drive into the repair shop, and your mechanic starts singing, "I'm in the Money." The deductions from the raise you just got is so big that you have to take a second job to replace the money you lost. You tell the sales clerk you are looking for a pot holder and she directs you to the girdle department. You are contemplating lining the rim of your boss's coffee cup with Super Glue. You can't avoid the speeding ticket by flirting or crying because the police officer is a woman. You eat an entire batch of brownies because you feel that "you deserve it." After you drive home from work, you rip the "Have a Happy Day' bumper sticker off your car. You turn on the morning TV news, and they're displaying emergency routes out of the city. Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. Your horn gets stuck when you're following a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. You put both contact lenses in the same eye. Your pet turtle snaps at you. You call your answering service, and they tell you it's none of your business. Your income-tax check bounces. You wake up to discover your water bed has broken and then you remember you don't have a water bed. Your bar of Ivory soap sinks. ______________________________________(and) You Know You Are Getting Old When... Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. Your little, black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get winded playing chess. Your children begin to look middle-aged. You join a health club and don't go. Your mind makes contracts your body cannot meet. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. You look forward to a dull evening. You walk with your head held high, trying to get used to your bifocals. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "Twenty-five Years Ago Today." You turn out the lights for economic reason instead of romantic ones. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. You are seventeen around the neck, forty-two around the waist, and ninety around the golf course. You stop looking forward to your next birthday. Dialing long distance tires you out. You are startled the first time you are addressed as "old timer." You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. You burn the midnight oil until after 9:00 PM. Your back goes out more often than you do. The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife. You get your exercise acting as pallbearer for friends who exercise. You have too much room in your house and not enough in the medicine cabinet. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.