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Axis of the Diet Coke of Evil

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by G30Jack, Aug 23, 2002.

  1. G30Jack

    G30Jack .88 Magnum

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    In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran, and North Korea "Axis of Evil"
    -- N.Y. Times, 1/30/02

    ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, &
    SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL

    Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil;
    Other Nations Start Own Clubs

    Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for
    membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today
    announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they
    said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea
    axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

    Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis
    as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are
    Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader
    Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at
    being evil... we're the best."

    Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
    although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of
    Evil.

    "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

    "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi
    President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition.
    In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.
    So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked
    cool."

    THE AXIS PANDEMIC

    International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
    swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

    Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate
    status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan,
    and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil,
    forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of
    Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia, and Russia
    established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally
    Disagreeable.

    With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
    filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
    called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
    Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and
    Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice
    But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain,
    Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That
    Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

    "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said
    Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

    While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
    making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most
    axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of
    Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members
    of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay,
    and Chadguay denied the charges.

    Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
    privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
     
  2. GeorgeCA

    GeorgeCA Millennium Member

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