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Application to Date My Daughter

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jan 4, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Application to Date My Daughter

    Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

    Name:________________________ Date of Birth:_________________
    Height:_________ Weight:__________ IQ:_________ GPA:__________
    Social Security #:___________ Driver's License #:_______
    Boy Scout Rank:_________________ Telephone:___________________
    Home Address:______________________________________________
    City:__________________________ State:__________ Zip:___________

    1. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
    If "No", explain:

    2. Number of years your parents have been married: ____
    Any brothers or sisters? ____
    Are they normal? ____

    3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____
    A truck with oversize tires? ____
    A waterbed? ____

    4. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____

    5. Do you have a tattoo? ____

    If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.

    6. In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?

    7. In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?

    8. In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?

    9. In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?

    10. Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________
    How often do you attend: ____________________________

    11. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi?__________________________

    12. Please fill in the blanks:
    a. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my _______________________
    b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ________________________
    c. A woman's place is in the _______________________
    d. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is _________________________
    e. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is _________________________
    Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises--keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

    13. What do you want to be if you grow up?

    I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.
    Signature of applicant _________________________________
    Signature of father _____________________________________
    Signature of mother ____________________________________
    Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________
    Signature of State Representative _________________________

    Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.