Another one bites the dust.

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by davethehiker, Jun 13, 2020.

  1. davethehiker

    davethehiker

    Messages:
    3,039
    Likes Received:
    7,092
    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2015
    I just learned my first cousin died. He was veteran and was buried in a veteran's grave yard. No family attended the service, if there was one. Someone just noticed his name in the obituaries in the paper. He was 82 years old, and wheel chair bound. He refused to have visitors in his declining years. He never married and never had kids. He was angry with his siblings. There were three siblings. He had a bother and sister who he did not speak to. Danny's parents took me in when my own parents were going through a rough time. I was 8 years old and he was 10. I looked at him as a big brother. We washed dishes together. We talked about things like the "Lone Ranger" and "Sky King" (Radio shows that kids listened to at that time.) I think that was the last time I saw him. I moved away but he stayed in the town were were born in. I heard that he drank too much and spent most of days at a bar. A few years ago I attempted to visit him but no one answered the door. I did talk to him the phone once. He did not want company.

    He is dead and buried now, that's part of the life cycle. The sad part is, it seems he never lived.

    Sorry if this is depressing. I'm just saying goodby to a memory of someone I thought of as my big brother when we were children.
     
    Glasgow, Ftttu, misterfox and 28 others like this.
  2. TBO

    TBO Why so serious? CLM

    Messages:
    64,342
    Likes Received:
    73,657
    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2002
    Location:
    1504 7th Street South, Minneapolis, MN 55454
    May he find the peace that seemed to elude him in life.

    Sent from my Jack boot using Copatalk
     

  3. uzimon

    uzimon Daca is caca

    Messages:
    3,378
    Likes Received:
    3,491
    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2007
    Location:
    Hangry chair
    If he lived to drink then he did indeed lived
     
    lazarus66 likes this.
  4. railfancwb

    railfancwb

    Messages:
    17,059
    Likes Received:
    17,523
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2008
    Location:
    Shelbyville, Tennessee TN
    Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.
    Flavia Weedn
     
    txbandit and Rotn1 like this.
  5. Stillhuntn

    Stillhuntn

    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    34
    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2005
    Location:
    Eastern Wisconsin
    May he find the peace he searched for on this earth.
     
    flyover and davethehiker like this.
  6. Ramjet38

    Ramjet38 Mentally Frozen

    Messages:
    23,635
    Likes Received:
    69,213
    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2001
    Location:
    Wilderness of Life
    He lived the life he wanted. I find no fault in that. RIP sir.
     
  7. sciolist

    sciolist On the Border

    Messages:
    15,287
    Likes Received:
    17,071
    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2009
    Location:
    PNW
    Sometimes it's a bit more complicated than that.
     
    shadow_dog, Andy P, -JCN- and 2 others like this.
  8. Doc Holliday

    Doc Holliday CLM

    Messages:
    8,943
    Likes Received:
    10,112
    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Location:
    Arizona
  9. Ramjet38

    Ramjet38 Mentally Frozen

    Messages:
    23,635
    Likes Received:
    69,213
    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2001
    Location:
    Wilderness of Life
    Sometimes, but not necessarily.
     
  10. sciolist

    sciolist On the Border

    Messages:
    15,287
    Likes Received:
    17,071
    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2009
    Location:
    PNW
    That's true. But I can empathize with some of that story. Not that I'm going to drink myself to death in solitude, but for sure I have limitations relatively few people understand.

    We all have unique gifts and limitations. I think it's important to find at least one person who can really understand what's going on with you in that regard. And hopefully that can be a long relationship.
     
  11. davethehiker

    davethehiker

    Messages:
    3,039
    Likes Received:
    7,092
    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2015
    I think we all do the best we can do within the limits of our talents and energy. Luck is also a big factor. I can't help but judge his life or lack of life by my own values. I'm sorry he never permitted me to meet him as an adult.
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2020
    Ramjet38 likes this.
  12. Geeorge

    Geeorge Sarcasm Inc.

    Messages:
    14,347
    Likes Received:
    9,773
    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    Location:
    South Irvington,Indiana 46239
  13. light-switch

    light-switch Back to work...

    Messages:
    2,700
    Likes Received:
    5,264
    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    Location:
    Western PA
    Makes me think of my own brother in law: he has lived his life in his terms, doing what he wanted (or could), and at 43, he has: a) no career, b) no money; c) no spouse; d) no house; e) no special skill or know-how that could provide for him in the long term, after his ability to do physical labor fades away.

    One difference between him and the OP's cousin is that my BIL is not angry at the world: more like he already gave up on trying, because he thinks there's no point.

    BIL does have something going for him: his mom and sisters still love and care about him, so when he dies, they will be there.

    Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
     
    orangejeep06 likes this.
  14. davethehiker

    davethehiker

    Messages:
    3,039
    Likes Received:
    7,092
    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2015
    When I was young and in my early twenties I thought of 43 as the peak of life. People that age had a good study income because by that age they were at peak of their skill sets. They had family older than them and children younger. Now that I'm 80 I think it's a good age. I don't need to worry about taking care of my parents or my children because my parents are dead and my children are independent and take care of themselves. I have generous income stream from a retirement pension, Social Security, and lucky investments. It's only me and my loving wife and we are both currently very healthy. Maybe right now is the best time of life for as long as it lasts. Maybe right now has always been the best time of life but I was too dumb to know it.

    I don't know if my cousin was "angry at the world?" I only know that he was angry with his bother and sister and did not want visitors. His sister was foul mouthed and I did not like her much. I can understand why he did not want to bother with her. She died a few years ago. His bother is an okay guy he has a girl friend he lives with. He likes to fish and lives in the deep woods somewhere in Eastern PA. No one in the family has heard from him in years him in years. I doubt that he knows or cares if his siblings are dead. At one time he was part of a big extended family and his parents were the most kind and loving people I knew.

    "God is a comedian playing to house afraid to laugh." Voltaire
     
    ZekerMan likes this.
  15. Dave514

    Dave514

    Messages:
    42,087
    Likes Received:
    43,116
    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2013
    Location:
    USSA
    :cow:
     
  16. Bish1309

    Bish1309

    Messages:
    3,869
    Likes Received:
    6,765
    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2016
    Location:
    with anonymous sources
    Thank you for sharing. May he RIP.
     
    davethehiker likes this.
  17. Tvov

    Tvov

    Messages:
    9,613
    Likes Received:
    6,946
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2000
    Location:
    CT,USA
    I have a brother in law that chose to close himself off from family.

    Now that I am older, I find it really sad. What's the point? What's the point of holding a grudge(s) for years? Would family apologizing help? What would fix it?

    One of my sisters regularly brings up stuff that literally happened over 50 years, still complaining about things being "unfair". Keeping those wounds open solves exactly nothing. Especially since at this point, she is not remembering what actually happened, but what she imagined.

    I am older now (my knees remind me of that every day...). I've always said in the past that if worrying about something will not do anything to fix it, then stop worrying. Same with being upset about what happened in the past - if constantly rehashing the past will help, sure! then do that. But really, it accomplishes nothing except to continue pointless family squabbles.

    Some of the nicest, kindest people I know have crap for a life and pretty much everything stacked against them, but they just get up each morning with a smile and keep going.

    I don't know if any of this rambling will mean anything to anyone.

    davethehiker, I do hope your cousin finds a better place.
     
  18. catman71

    catman71 Spewer of TROOF

    Messages:
    9,032
    Likes Received:
    24,380
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Location:
    Central MN
    That’s very sad. Not even the death especially but the loneliness for the last decades....
     
    TGT, light-switch and davethehiker like this.
  19. deputy tom

    deputy tom Gringo Viejo

    Messages:
    28,161
    Likes Received:
    55,402
    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Location:
    SW/ PA
  20. mmsig229

    mmsig229

    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    28
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Location:
    Ohio
    Sometimes the only thing we have in common with family is DNA. You choose your friends because of like interests, etc. There's nothing saying that family will be there for you in difficult times, people move away, pass away, or just don't like eachother. The older I get the less time I worry about things I have no control over. The current political climate has caused rifts in many familes, I choose not to associate with people who are 180 degrees from my belief system, family or not. The gentleman who passed away probably lived, and died just as he liked. Who are we to second guess his motivation????
     
    shadow_dog and davethehiker like this.