Annoy Your Roommate(s) 1.Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g. Your roommate: How are you doing today? You: Today.... Today......) 2.Continuously refer to your roommate using terms of endearment (sweet cheeks, honey buns). Slap him/her in the face if s/he ever does the same. 3.Kill several people. Store the corpses underneath your roommates bed. Call the police. 4.Become Forrest Gump. 5.Incessantly rant about the governments attempts to control our minds by poisoning us with Dihydrous Monoxide. If your roommate tries to explain that Dihydrous Monoxide = H2O = Water, exclaim HA!! THATS WHAT THEY /WANT/ YOU TO THINK!!!! 6.Intensely study the complete list of ways to annoy your roommate. Form a discussion group with your roommate. Give tests. 7.Start a food drive around campus to feed your roommate. Comment often on how fat s/hes getting. 8.Read nothing but Human Calculator books. Consistently make mistakes on simple math (e.g. 2 + 2 = ..3? No, 5! No.......) 9.Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 10.Twitch a lot. 11.Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 12.Steal a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 13.Become a subgenus. 14.Inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG. 15.Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin. 16.Speak in tongues. 17.Move you roommates personal effects around. Start subtlety. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling. 18.Walk and talk backwards. 19.Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them. 20.Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, Theyre more than meets the eye. 21.Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. The Road Warrior, Repo Man, Casablanca,) almost inaudibly. 22.Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench). 23.Chain yourself to your roommates bed. Get him/her to bring you food. 24.Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are. 25.Ask your roommate if your family can move in just for a couple of weeks. 26.Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened. 27.Eat glass. 28.Smoke ballpoint pens. 29.Smile. All the time. 30.Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously. 31.Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trashcan. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you. 32.Leave a declaration of war on your roommates desk. Include a list of grievances. 33.Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly. 34.Dye all your underwear lime green. 35.Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet. 36.Hide your underwear and socks in your roommates closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it. 37.Remove your door. Ship it to your roommates parents (postage due). 38.Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks. 39.Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them. 40.Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley. 41.Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with Didja ever wonder why.... Be creative. 42.Shave one eyebrow. 43.Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bed frame. If your roommate comments, mutter, Got to save space, twenty times while twitching violently. 44.Put horseradish in your shoes. 45.Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want. 46.Always flush the toilet three times. 47.Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often. 48.Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovics Pennsylvania Polka, and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that its an assignment for your primitive cultures class. 49.Give him/her an allowance. 50.Listen to radio static. 51.Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up. 52.Cry a lot. 53.Send secret admirer notes on your roommates Email. 54.Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously. 55.Paste used Kleenexes to his/her walls. 56.Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself. 57.If you get in before your roommate, go to sleep in his/her bed. 58.Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed. Do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out. Use this method to fall asleep every night for a month. 59.If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks. 60.Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up. 61.Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever youre doing, grab a towel, and go shower too. 62.Find out your roommates post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS. 63.Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor. 64.Create an imaginary cat for a pet, and talk to it every night, act like youre holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate. 65.Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music. 66.Follow him/her around on weekends. 67.Sit on the floor and talk to the wall. 68.Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door. 69.Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone. 70.Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her. 71.Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour, dont say anything, and just stare. 72.Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you cant remember who it was. 73. Let mice loose in his/her room. 74.Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you cant answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you dont trust your ceiling. 75.Take your roommates papers and hand them in as your own. 76.Skip to the bathroom. 77.Take all of your roommates furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend. 78.Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foiliage. 79.When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when you leave. 80.Whenever youre on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back. 81.Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed. 82.Burn incense. 83.Eat moths. 84.Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die. 85.Collect Chia-Pets. 86.Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language. 87.Eat a bag of marshmallows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick. 88.Wipe deodorant all over your roommates walls. 89.If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of breath. Ask if they saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying a hundred dollar bill. Run back out swearing. 90.Leave apple cores on his/her bed. 91.Dont ever flush. 92.Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, You shouldnt have done that to me. 93.Lick him/her while they are asleep. 94.Dress in drag. 95.Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Leave Slim Jim wrappers on the floor. Lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. 96.Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommates head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning. 97.Every time your roommate walks in yell, Hooray! Youre back! as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, Shouldnt you be going somewhere? 98.Trash the room when your roommates not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again. 99.Every time you see your roommate yell, You son of a... and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream. 100.Set your roommates bed on fire. Apologize and explain that youve been watching too much Beavis & Butthead. Do it again. Tell him/her that youre not sorry because this time, they deserved it. 101.Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that youve been having terrible nightmares. 102.Eat lots of Lucky Charms. Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you cant say anything more, or youll have to face the consequences. 103.Set up meetings with your roommates faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same. 104.Drink a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night. 105.Every Thursday pack up everything you own and tell your roommate youre going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep. 106.Every time you wake up, start yelling, Oh, no! Where am I?! and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you dont know what he/she is talking about. 107.Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, Its spreading, its spreading. 108.Buy a McDonalds Happy Meal for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away. 109.Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, I cant live in the same room with you, storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again. 110.Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes. 111.Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal. 112.Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While youre doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, Soon, soon.... 113.Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell, Dont come in, Im naked! Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.