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DEPLORABLE ME!
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No you are not selfish from wanting a little time to yourself.

1 - Ration time equally among the kidlettes' afterschool events.

2 - Tell the wife she needs to reduce she spending so that you will not need to work so many hours. (As if this would ever happen.)

3 - You really can say no to helping out other people, if your time is in such short supply. I worked my self into a bout of major depression/exhaustion doing horse-crap that I was goat-roped into - Never again.

Well, I never played youth sports when I was little. Nobody in my large family did...There's not much time spent at home anymore, they're always going to or coming from a practice and rushing dinner and bedtime and homework. I hate it.

My wife insists that our 4-yr old plays soccer even though he's not really into it. Plus our daughter does soccer AND cheer at the same time so double the events. I'm against both these, my wife won't budge.
I never got into sports either. I like to do work with my hands. I fondly remember the father/son time building the model railroad together.

I think driving kids to play soccer is based heavily in 'Soccermommy' culture. It's more about showing off her kids and her stuff (that you paid for) to Buffy and Biffy. The adult social meeting. All the ladies are jockeying for Alpha Mommy status among their peers.
 

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Your wife is with the kids all day. She needs some adult time. She gets the opportunity to see other parents at the games. That's probably the reason she does it.
You are at work. You have had adult time.
You had 4 kids. Nothing wrong with that, but if you wanted more time to yourself, maybe you should have had fewer?
Can't do anything about that now.
Suck it up, and realize for the next 14 or so years your life revolves around work and the kids.
 

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Discussion Starter #83 (Edited)
Some of you guys are missing the entire point...

No kids in my family growing up played sports. My dad spent zero time driving to/from kids sports and watching 4yr olds kicking a ball in a "game". He had plenty of time to take us on a bike ride or whatever because he was NOT busy driving us all over town. But he spent tons of real quality time with us and we had dinner as a family every night.

My kids have been signed up for multiple sports (against my wishes) and they have crowded schedules. I don't have time to spend REAL time with them because of all these practices and matches. Watching them from the sideline is not spending time with them in my book.

I understand supporting them in high school sports etc but come on, when they're 4 or 5 or 6?
 

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4, 5 and 6 year olds are smart. And they remember. I chime in with those who think you ought to make it a point to attend their functions and root for their efforts.

But that's just me.
 

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All I can say is that the kids are only young once. They really do grow up fast and it won't be long before they don't want to hang out with mom and dad.
 

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My mom took me to every practice. My dad took me to every game. I think they had a deal worked out.
 

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Cold War Sailor
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Some of you guys are missing the entire point...

No kids in my family growing up played sports. My dad spent zero time driving to/from kids sports and watching 4yr olds kicking a ball in a "game". He had plenty of time to take us on a bike ride or whatever because he was NOT busy driving us all over town. But he spent tons of real quality time with us and we had dinner as a family every night.

My kids have been signed up for multiple sports (against my wishes) and they have crowded schedules. I don't have time to spend REAL time with them because of all these practices and matches. Watching them from the sideline is not spending time with them in my book.

I understand supporting them in high school sports etc but come on, when they're 4 or 5 or 6?
I can see your point exactly. I was never in sports in elementary or high school. I just wasn't the athletic type, but I remember distinctly every moment I shared with my dad either going and running errands or out at the ranch hunting, fishing or just putting up fence line. I lost my dad three years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about something he said or use some knowledge he taught me. My daughter is the the athletic one now. In fact, her 1st volleyball game of 5th grade was on the same day he passed away. It rained hard as we drove to that school gym and I kept thinking he would have wanted me to take her no matter what. He constantly made it known that the kids come first no matter what. Now she is 13 and in band, UIL, tennis, Jr. Honor Society and Volleyball. I drive her around because my ex-wife works when my daughter needs to go to practice. I normally work 45 hours or so a week and leave the house at 6am and usually don't get home until 9pm. Sometimes the house gets away from me and I cannot keep up with chores, but honestly I don't care. It's not about me, it's all about her. I have only missed two games in the past 3 years. I had a second marriage dissolve because she didn't understand my dedication to the kids. She did not care to participate with my kids endeavors, so it ended. She would say she was always too tired to go after work to go and watch a game for an hour or two, yet she would stay 3-4 hours at the office working on a project that could wait. Trust me, it is hard, but don't give up. With all that, I still find some time to take her and my son to the ranch and do other things. The smile she has with when she is with her friends is priceless. Her team is a good group of girls who stick around for each other. My son was in boy scouts, but he lost interest. He would rather read and build models now than go off and join teams. He was in basketball one year, but it wasn't his cup of tea. He loves going to watch her games and hang out with her and her friends. Good luck and I hope you find balance. Talk with her and see if she could help more with household chores you normally do.
 

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BTDT
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I did it for them - Not because I enjoyed it.
 

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I have so many things to do on my honey do list, not to mention my regular duties like yard work, etc. I have not been hunting in 8 months. I have been shooting twice in that time. Am I a bad parent for not wanting to spend so much time watching my little kids run around kicking a ball?
The attitude that you project is all about you. You have not been shooting or hunting or doing other fun stuff, so you want to be a baby and not go to YOUR child's soccer game.

Shame on you.

You made a decision to get married and have kids. Now it is time to MAN UP. Stop your sniveling.

edit to add:
I just noticed that you are in Ca. Home of all the me-first cry babies.
 

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NRA Member
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Different take. When I played little league (pre-helmets) we learned the basics at home, practiced as a team and played 1 game a week. My grandson played T-ball and never learned the basics. There were no team practices and when the kids had a game, only a couple had some idea of what was happening around them. Two "coaches" yelled for someone to pick up the ball while the other "coaches" told the kids hitting the ball, where and when to run. The parents sat around BSing until the game was over and congratulated the kids for doing...................that's the part I still can't figure out.
 

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THIS IS IN ALL CAPS
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Kids don't understand what it takes to have the money to provide for them. When I was little, I didn't feel like I really knew my dad even though he lived in the same house and I saw him every night.

In my late 20s, I realized how much he had sacrificed to give us everything we needed and much of what we wanted. He would leave for work around 6 am, get home around 5 pm, take a nap, then spend several hours in the garage on side jobs so Ma could stay home and take care of us.

For a period of 20 or 25 years, I don't think my parents ever did anything fun for themselves. Everything they did was for us. Ever since I had that realization, I've bent over backwards to help my parents with anything I could. I know I can never fully repay them for all they did for me and my sister, but damned if I can't try. As an adult, I've built great relationships with both of my parents. In my years from 20 to 30, they've become like my best friends.

My point is: if the kids don't understand why you can't come to their games now, they will when they're older. If your wife is giving you a hard time about it, then you and she aren't on the same page with the reality of raising your kids and I wish you the best in handling that.
 

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My mom and dad came to my music stuff. I told them not to come to the swim meets or horse shows. Despite my dad being at this stuff, I did not get to know the man until I went to work for him when I was 16. Why? Because at work, he had time to talk to me, teach me how to do stuff, etc. When he came to events I was in, it was just as an observer that I could hardly ever see from the stage. My favorite memories of him are the ones of us sitting on the front porch during thunderstorms. And playing Mexican train in the winter in the kitchen. I'm glad he came to the events he came to, but I'd rather spend time with him walking around the neighborhood, or in the woods, and if he stayed home or at work a few times when i was performing or playing, so he could get done what he needed to and THEN SPEND TIME WITH ME, he made the better choice.

Mrs.Cicero
 

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The attitude that you project is all about you. You have not been shooting or hunting or doing other fun stuff, so you want to be a baby and not go to YOUR child's soccer game.

Shame on you.

You made a decision to get married and have kids. Now it is time to MAN UP. Stop your sniveling.

edit to add:
I just noticed that you are in Ca. Home of all the me-first cry babies.
His question was whether he should be spending his limited free time watching his very young kids play sports and other group activities or whether it'd be better spend taking the kids somewhere and actually doing things with them (rather than just watching them).

Sheesh. Read before responding. :upeyes:
 

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Smartass Pilot
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Folks, it's not a competition. Spending time with your kids one on one is important, spending time attending their events / milestones is also important (even if only as a spectator). Likewise, personal time by yourself doing what you love is a necessity. Afterall, you are no good to your kids if you are drained dry emotionally. Time maintaining your marriage is equally critcical.

In short, it's about balance, folks.
 

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Why did you have 4 kids and then not want to be involved in their activities. I also have an hour commute and three nights a week we have sports usually including me coaching one of my kids teams. I'm just wondering how much time do you spend with your kids? I'm not trying to be mean, but like a few other people have said it sounds like the families priorities are a little out of whack.
 
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