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A Visitor's Guide to Tupelo

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jun 4, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Toop-uh-low"

    2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tupelo has its own version of traffic rules...the truck with the loudest exhaust goes first at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.)

    3. To find anything in Tupelo, it is required that you know where "crosstown" is...assuming of course that you don't have a 40 minute wait on a 20 mile long train when you get there. To find "crosstown" just look for long lines of thousands of cars backed up at a stoplight.

    4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. To go anywhere late on Friday aftenoon you will need to drive a bulldozer.

    5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

    6. Construction is a permanent fixture in Tupelo. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night by the street department to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.

    7. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, pallets, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, sofas, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, recliners, rabbits, crackheads, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

    8 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".

    9. The minimum acceptable speed on "45" is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is North Mississippi's version of NASCAR racing. Seatbelts and helmets are required.

    10. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. Don't do it.

    11. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

    12. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

    13. If the days have finally cooled down to 90 degrees, Halloween's not far off.

    14. If it's 10-20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then watch out, Tupelo residents consider this "demolition derby" day and will be all over the roads (front ways, back ways, etc). Please proceed with caution as you could be their next target.

    15. Never say anything negative about Elvis while inside the city limits. Never. You can prance naked down the middle of Gloster Street and get away with it... But dissing Elvis could land you in jail.
     
  2. David_G17

    David_G17 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

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    ok, that just about applies to every Mississippi city.
     

  3. eotp

    eotp

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    Hey okie,

    Just out of curiosity, have you ever been to Tupelo?

    Have you ever even spent any significant time in MS at all?
     
  4. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    No I havnt, would like to go there some time though.:)