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Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

1 Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all !!!

2 Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

3 Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4 Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!

5 Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6 The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7 Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8 Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9 Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10 How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
Your Reason:
 

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S.n.a.f.u.
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:rofl:
I can't argue with any of that.

Chaos
 

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On number 1, if it is good enough I don't blame, I claim.
 

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I'm not religious at all, but these are cute. Dogs' letters to God...

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are cars named for the eagle, the cougar, the mustang,the colt, the stingray, the rabbit, etc., but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been
howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is
the Schnauzer across the street.

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, These are just some of the things I must remember (in order to keep my present living arrangements):

-The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

-I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee
table.

-I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

-I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

-I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

-I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the
house when I am about to get sick.

-I will not throw up in the car.

-I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the
way they smell.

-I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are
tasty, they are not food.

-I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the
back yard after processing.

-I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.

-I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people
will think I am hemorrhaging.

-When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's
raining outside.

-We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on television.

-I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.

-The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

-My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

-I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license and registration.

-I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

-I will not roll around in the dirt right after getting a bath.

-Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying
'hello.'

-I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
company is over.

-The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.


jas
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
That's awesome jasonvp:rofl::rofl:
 

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I love these!
 

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THIS IS A THREAD THAT'S BEEN LONG OVERDUE



Fawn Charley - 249#

Brindle "little" sister Katie - only 205#

:supergrin:
 

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5 Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
Semi related...

I put up a kennel for my dogs, the female can jump the fence around the yard and the Sarge could if he tried. The kid puts them in there in the morning before school, feeds them and all that...I usually go out to check things out, say good bye and be on my way.

One day the kid put them in there and sped out the door, I was late and didn't have time to do more than glance out the window to make sure they were in there.

I got home...and there in front of the door to the kennel was a chewed up stud out of one of the walls of their dog house. We had forgotten to put toys in there for them...I believe they were sending a message.

I have made sure every morning now without fail that there are toys as well as bones in the kennel to keep them occupied. The dogs have not seen fit to send another "message".

@OJ

It takes me long enough to clean up after my two...I can't imagine the mess those guys would make outside.
 

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@OJ

Do you ever try to travel with those beasts? They are awesome.
Thanks for noticing - yes, we take them camping - they have their own king sized bed in our fairly large Coleman - and at least one goes to the range with me every week .







and -



Lap dog

@OJ

It takes me long enough to clean up after my two...I can't imagine the mess those guys would make outside.
__________________
We have a half acre lot - most of which is "rustic" with only buffalo grass and pine trees and they are not only house trained but also "lawn trained".

:supergrin:
 

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I bet they love the camping. I know mine do. I travel with the two bird dogs frequently to west TX. My little Wirefox has been all over the country with me. Some pics of my bird dogs trying to earn their keep. Now if only I could shoot....:supergrin:




This raises my heart rate just looking at the picture. Man I wish quail season was here.


This is my little dog and one of the bird dogs in CO for a camping/fly fishing trip.
 

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I bet they love the camping. I know mine do. I travel with the two bird dogs frequently to west TX. My little Wirefox has been all over the country with me. Some pics of my bird dogs trying to earn their keep. Now if only I could shoot....:supergrin:


This is my little dog and one of the bird dogs in CO for a camping/fly fishing trip.
They look great to me. Mine tend to just be hams genderwise -

The male outlook -



Could this wait until halftime ??

And, the female side -



Do these black stripes make me look fat??


:supergrin:
 
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