A Day in the Life of a particular IT employee > Disclaimer in advance: I did not write this intending to make jokes, > although I am hoping you will find a smile here or there. This is a > basically unabridged log of activity for Monday, 5/19. People keep > asking what I do. Here you go. > > 9:00 - Rolled into work, got **** out of car consisting of my workout > bag, a bag of snacks, and my laptop. Oh, and a CD that I wanted a few > people to listen to today. > > 9:02 - Sitting comfortably at desk, chowing on low fat cheese and > crackers. I find that the low fat alouette stuff isn't quite as good > as the fully leaded version, but I am willing to compromise since I am > trying to watch my boyish figure. The turkey pepperoni is tasty as > always. > > 9:15 - Done with breakfast, need to go put the leftovers in the > fridge. Oh, and I got some new Carmex at the store since my old one is > covered in germs (I was sick last weekend). The only problem is that > it's not the squeeze-tube kind, it's the old fashioned kind where you > put your finger in and then apply. I figure I should wash my hands > before I do that, so I'll make a stop at the washroom when I put the > rest of the crap in the fridge. Breakfast made me kind of sleepy, I > better go get a diet coke too. The coke machine is a ways down the > hall though, close to Sarah's cube, so maybe I should take my CD and > see if she is here today... > > 9:29 - Found 12 cents in my pocket so I can't get a coke. Drat. I > also have a five dollar bill, but I don't want to pay for something > that I don't actually want in the machine that will change out $5, and > then end up with four bucks in quarters. At least I have my Carmex on > now. Life is good. I may have to break the five though, before I > fall asleep on my desk. > > 9:31 - Since Sarah wasn't there and everyone else seems to be in > meetings, I guess I'll plug in my lap top. 2612 emails. No, I am not > kidding, 2612 really. Screw it, deleted anything that wasn't from > family and/or red and flashing. Oh, and the reply from the girl I > bought a Home Hardware shirt from on Ebay. It's Victoria Day in > Canada today. No post on Victoria Day apparently. Oh well. Delete, > delete, delete, delete. . . . Oh come on, how many of these can you > really read before you get numb to it? It's not like I am going to > sit down and decode every single one of them. > > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel current process > (0x528a0a38) infected with 11 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 > kernel Error at address 0x400000000046b5d3 (yylex+0x5113) > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel > ir=0000000008644800.000000000000001e > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel > pc=000000000180ac00.400000000046b5d7 psw=000000000000000f > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel gr0-3 0000000000000000 > c0000000eae2fe80 0000000000000000 c0000000eae29680 > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel gr4-7 c0000000dadcc328 > 80000000003424f8 c0000000f88625a0 c0000000dadd5078 > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel gr8-11 c0000000eae29680 > c0000000dadcc4b4 (lines removed for the sake of brevity) > > I do enjoy the email porn though, and the attention that my male organ > seems to be getting from everyone who wants to help me make it bigger. > You know, if I sent away for every ***** enlarger that came my way, > and only 2% of them actually worked, I figure I would have a four foot > shlong. Take THAT baby. Delete delete delete delete. . . . > > 10:00 - I broke down and got a soda. I put the quarters in my desk > drawer. The janitors will probably steal them, but at least I won't > jingle for the rest of the day. I am supposed to be in a meeting right > now, but I heard that it was cancelled because the person hosting the > meeting is out today. Everytime that happens it's like a present, a > gift of 45 more minutes of life that I wouldn't ordinarily get to > live. > > 10:02 - Decided to open my 'Replication Server Performance Tuning' > document so that I could quickly alt-tab to something that looks > important should the need arise. I am not going to open any > connections to the database servers unless absolutely necessary > though. There has been pressure from some new VP to evaluate root > causes and take appropriate corrective measures for outages, or some > such nonsense, and rumor has it that someone in a different department > got in real big trouble for causing an outage last week. We have been > warned that we could be dismissed for any user based outage, so I have > taken it upon myself to ensure that this won't happen. If my Sun > station is cold to the touch, then I couldn't have possibly done > anything wrong. This does tend to put a drag on productivity for > most people. I remain happily unaffected so far. > > 10:03 - Worked diligently on the 'Replication Server Performance > Tuning' document, and added about a page of relevant formatted > information in 13 minutes. > > 10:15 - Whew, I need a break. Grabbed a random stack of papers off my > desk, a perl script that someone wanted me to look over I think, and > headed off down the hall, soda in hand, looking very important. I > stopped in the hallway to talk with Bob, who is my Canada connection > here at work. I wished him a happy Victoria Day. He seemed surprised > that I knew what that was. I followed him around while he handed out > paychecks and we jabbered for a bit about Boxing Day, which is > supposedly a day where old British people used to box up gifts that > they got for Christmas that they didn't want, and gave them to their > servants or to the poor or some such nonsense. Bob says it's mostly > about drinking and shopping now. That's one thing I like about > Canada. Everything is about drinking and 'something'. Drinking and > hockey, drinking and ice fishing, drinking and firecrackers, etc. > Anyhow, the stack of papers makes me look like I am going to a meeting > or talking about something important. No one gives you a second > glance when you have papers in your hand. Someday, when I am > management I will have to move up to the leather bound binder, but for > now a stack of papers will do, as will a legal pad in a pinch. People > must think I am busting my hump at lunch, as I often steal office > supplies to write songs during lunch. > > 10:45 - I have another meeting scheduled in 15 minutes. It looks like > this one will actually occur. Plah. Guess I will trade my papers for > a legal pad. Yes, and also I will print out the 'Replication Server > Performance Tuning' document since it has a very impressive looking > title page. I hope the meeting doesn't last too long as I like to get > a nice head start on lunch. > > 11:45 - Off to lunch. Don't have a clue what the meeting was about, > though I was there. Someone complimented me on something, I don't > recall what exactly. The trees were especially nice shade of > springtime green. I saw them out the conference room window. Today > at lunch I will write a song called 'Watching from the Window'. > > 1:30 - Back from lunch. You thee, the good thing about lunch ith that > you geth out in the sunthine fow a wyle, and then when you come back, > everything theems to path so quickly on account of thomething or other > and thtuff or yes else then because. Tho There. > > 1:33 - I helped thome dork with thomething. They thought I wuz grate. > I'm thleepy. > > 1:34 - I managed to grab some papers from my desk and drape them over > my chest as I reclined in my chair and stared off into a daydream. I > suppose I looked rather like a hobo sleeping on a park bench, but no > one bothered me, in fact no one walked through my row at all. That I > know of anyway. > > 3:00 - *yawn* Wow, I could use a walk. . . > > 3:01 - Walked down the hall, found Jerry. We cruised around leering at > women. Before you get any ideas, this is quite an art in an IT > department, as most of the women here are 350 lbs and surly. Still, > if they thought you were checking them out, then they would get > offended and try to eat you. Luckily they can only walk single file > in the hallways, and have trouble negotiating turns. They tend to > protect the younger, more attractive women from the male of the > species until they (the attractive ones) are of suitable age (45) > and/or 'stature' (300lbs+), at which point they will be released for > breeding. Yay. We didn't see anything good, as usual, but we did > manage to kill 30 minutes or so. Found Sarah, she thought the CD was > great. > > 3:37 - Last call before I head out for the day. I will spend the next > few minutes reviewing any requests I may have missed, and throw away > any over-used piles on my desk. You can't use the same projects or > papers for cover too often or people get suspicious. I was thinking > maybe I would grill some chicken up tonight for dinner. Maybe with > that hot scotch bonnet pepper sauce that I picked up when we went to > the Carribbean. That seems to work really well with chicken. You > can't really pair that with a wine though. It will probably be a beer > night again, which is fine because beer is cheaper anyway. Happy > Victoria Day! This is my Monday, I'm out.