A Day in the Life

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Rogue, May 21, 2003.

  1. Rogue

    Rogue X-MEN Millennium Member

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    Aug 23, 1999
    A Day in the Life of a particular IT employee

    > Disclaimer in advance: I did not write this intending to make jokes,
    > although I am hoping you will find a smile here or there. This is a
    > basically unabridged log of activity for Monday, 5/19. People keep
    > asking what I do. Here you go.
    > 9:00 - Rolled into work, got **** out of car consisting of my workout
    > bag, a bag of snacks, and my laptop. Oh, and a CD that I wanted a few
    > people to listen to today.
    > 9:02 - Sitting comfortably at desk, chowing on low fat cheese and
    > crackers. I find that the low fat alouette stuff isn't quite as good
    > as the fully leaded version, but I am willing to compromise since I am
    > trying to watch my boyish figure. The turkey pepperoni is tasty as
    > always.
    > 9:15 - Done with breakfast, need to go put the leftovers in the
    > fridge. Oh, and I got some new Carmex at the store since my old one is
    > covered in germs (I was sick last weekend). The only problem is that
    > it's not the squeeze-tube kind, it's the old fashioned kind where you
    > put your finger in and then apply. I figure I should wash my hands
    > before I do that, so I'll make a stop at the washroom when I put the
    > rest of the crap in the fridge. Breakfast made me kind of sleepy, I
    > better go get a diet coke too. The coke machine is a ways down the
    > hall though, close to Sarah's cube, so maybe I should take my CD and
    > see if she is here today...
    > 9:29 - Found 12 cents in my pocket so I can't get a coke. Drat. I
    > also have a five dollar bill, but I don't want to pay for something
    > that I don't actually want in the machine that will change out $5, and
    > then end up with four bucks in quarters. At least I have my Carmex on
    > now. Life is good. I may have to break the five though, before I
    > fall asleep on my desk.
    > 9:31 - Since Sarah wasn't there and everyone else seems to be in
    > meetings, I guess I'll plug in my lap top. 2612 emails. No, I am not
    > kidding, 2612 really. Screw it, deleted anything that wasn't from
    > family and/or red and flashing. Oh, and the reply from the girl I
    > bought a Home Hardware shirt from on Ebay. It's Victoria Day in
    > Canada today. No post on Victoria Day apparently. Oh well. Delete,
    > delete, delete, delete. . . . Oh come on, how many of these can you
    > really read before you get numb to it? It's not like I am going to
    > sit down and decode every single one of them.
    > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel current process
    > (0x528a0a38) infected with 11 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48
    > kernel Error at address 0x400000000046b5d3 (yylex+0x5113)
    > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel
    > ir=0000000008644800.000000000000001e
    > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel
    > pc=000000000180ac00.400000000046b5d7 psw=000000000000000f
    > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel gr0-3 0000000000000000
    > c0000000eae2fe80 0000000000000000 c0000000eae29680
    > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel gr4-7 c0000000dadcc328
    > 80000000003424f8 c0000000f88625a0 c0000000dadd5078
    > 01:00000:00017:2003/05/19 09:09:14.48 kernel gr8-11 c0000000eae29680
    > c0000000dadcc4b4 (lines removed for the sake of brevity)
    > I do enjoy the email porn though, and the attention that my male organ
    > seems to be getting from everyone who wants to help me make it bigger.
    > You know, if I sent away for every ***** enlarger that came my way,
    > and only 2% of them actually worked, I figure I would have a four foot
    > shlong. Take THAT baby. Delete delete delete delete. . . .
    > 10:00 - I broke down and got a soda. I put the quarters in my desk
    > drawer. The janitors will probably steal them, but at least I won't
    > jingle for the rest of the day. I am supposed to be in a meeting right
    > now, but I heard that it was cancelled because the person hosting the
    > meeting is out today. Everytime that happens it's like a present, a
    > gift of 45 more minutes of life that I wouldn't ordinarily get to
    > live.
    > 10:02 - Decided to open my 'Replication Server Performance Tuning'
    > document so that I could quickly alt-tab to something that looks
    > important should the need arise. I am not going to open any
    > connections to the database servers unless absolutely necessary
    > though. There has been pressure from some new VP to evaluate root
    > causes and take appropriate corrective measures for outages, or some
    > such nonsense, and rumor has it that someone in a different department
    > got in real big trouble for causing an outage last week. We have been
    > warned that we could be dismissed for any user based outage, so I have
    > taken it upon myself to ensure that this won't happen. If my Sun
    > station is cold to the touch, then I couldn't have possibly done
    > anything wrong. This does tend to put a drag on productivity for
    > most people. I remain happily unaffected so far.
    > 10:03 - Worked diligently on the 'Replication Server Performance
    > Tuning' document, and added about a page of relevant formatted
    > information in 13 minutes.
    > 10:15 - Whew, I need a break. Grabbed a random stack of papers off my
    > desk, a perl script that someone wanted me to look over I think, and
    > headed off down the hall, soda in hand, looking very important. I
    > stopped in the hallway to talk with Bob, who is my Canada connection
    > here at work. I wished him a happy Victoria Day. He seemed surprised
    > that I knew what that was. I followed him around while he handed out
    > paychecks and we jabbered for a bit about Boxing Day, which is
    > supposedly a day where old British people used to box up gifts that
    > they got for Christmas that they didn't want, and gave them to their
    > servants or to the poor or some such nonsense. Bob says it's mostly
    > about drinking and shopping now. That's one thing I like about
    > Canada. Everything is about drinking and 'something'. Drinking and
    > hockey, drinking and ice fishing, drinking and firecrackers, etc.
    > Anyhow, the stack of papers makes me look like I am going to a meeting
    > or talking about something important. No one gives you a second
    > glance when you have papers in your hand. Someday, when I am
    > management I will have to move up to the leather bound binder, but for
    > now a stack of papers will do, as will a legal pad in a pinch. People
    > must think I am busting my hump at lunch, as I often steal office
    > supplies to write songs during lunch.
    > 10:45 - I have another meeting scheduled in 15 minutes. It looks like
    > this one will actually occur. Plah. Guess I will trade my papers for
    > a legal pad. Yes, and also I will print out the 'Replication Server
    > Performance Tuning' document since it has a very impressive looking
    > title page. I hope the meeting doesn't last too long as I like to get
    > a nice head start on lunch.
    > 11:45 - Off to lunch. Don't have a clue what the meeting was about,
    > though I was there. Someone complimented me on something, I don't
    > recall what exactly. The trees were especially nice shade of
    > springtime green. I saw them out the conference room window. Today
    > at lunch I will write a song called 'Watching from the Window'.
    > 1:30 - Back from lunch. You thee, the good thing about lunch ith that
    > you geth out in the sunthine fow a wyle, and then when you come back,
    > everything theems to path so quickly on account of thomething or other
    > and thtuff or yes else then because. Tho There.
    > 1:33 - I helped thome dork with thomething. They thought I wuz grate.
    > I'm thleepy.
    > 1:34 - I managed to grab some papers from my desk and drape them over
    > my chest as I reclined in my chair and stared off into a daydream. I
    > suppose I looked rather like a hobo sleeping on a park bench, but no
    > one bothered me, in fact no one walked through my row at all. That I
    > know of anyway.
    > 3:00 - *yawn* Wow, I could use a walk. . .
    > 3:01 - Walked down the hall, found Jerry. We cruised around leering at
    > women. Before you get any ideas, this is quite an art in an IT
    > department, as most of the women here are 350 lbs and surly. Still,
    > if they thought you were checking them out, then they would get
    > offended and try to eat you. Luckily they can only walk single file
    > in the hallways, and have trouble negotiating turns. They tend to
    > protect the younger, more attractive women from the male of the
    > species until they (the attractive ones) are of suitable age (45)
    > and/or 'stature' (300lbs+), at which point they will be released for
    > breeding. Yay. We didn't see anything good, as usual, but we did
    > manage to kill 30 minutes or so. Found Sarah, she thought the CD was
    > great.
    > 3:37 - Last call before I head out for the day. I will spend the next
    > few minutes reviewing any requests I may have missed, and throw away
    > any over-used piles on my desk. You can't use the same projects or
    > papers for cover too often or people get suspicious. I was thinking
    > maybe I would grill some chicken up tonight for dinner. Maybe with
    > that hot scotch bonnet pepper sauce that I picked up when we went to
    > the Carribbean. That seems to work really well with chicken. You
    > can't really pair that with a wine though. It will probably be a beer
    > night again, which is fine because beer is cheaper anyway. Happy
    > Victoria Day! This is my Monday, I'm out.