A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE Written by Texas Bix Bender Never kick a fresh road apple on a hot day. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. Always drink upstream from the herd. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. Good judgement comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be suprised if they learn the lesson. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back. Never miss a good chance to shut up.