5 Levels of drinking

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by ihatethesesns, Jul 23, 2004.

  1. ihatethesesns


    Likes Received:
    Sep 19, 2003
    The 5 Levels of Drinking

    Level 1:

    It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have

    work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your unemployed

    friends. Here at level I you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly. Why, as long as I

    get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."

    Level 2:

    It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against

    artificial tuff. You get up to leave again, but at level

    2, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with

    my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long

    as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers), I'm


    Level 3:

    One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes

    arguing for artificial tuff. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful

    woman I've ever seen!" At level 3, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you

    buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get

    drinking fantasies (like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together

    forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level 3, that devil is a little bit

    bigger.., and he's buying. And you're thinking

    "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep.., and a complete change

    of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool."

    Level 4:

    Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of

    rum and a Coke. You are artificial tutti. This time on your way to the bathroom, you

    punch the stranger at the end of the bar just because you don't like his face! And now

    you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your

    friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an at, er

    hours bar. And here, at level 4, you actually think to yourself, "Well .... as long as I'm

    only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well .... stay up all night!!!! Yeah!

    That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith

    Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get

    31 hours sleep tomorrow ................... cool.

    Level 5:

    Five in the morning, alter unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo

    parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up

    across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as that

    morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta

    be in Hell at nine.I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point,

    you're ail drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon

    wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday

    I'm gonna marry that girlt!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "We're drivin' to

    floridaf Y!!!"- and passes out.

    You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level 5 -

    the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out ora bar in

    daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and

    they know. And they say... "Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up

    ail night, it's like a victory, like you've beat the night.., but if you're over 27, then that sun

    is like

    God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never

    do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that

    little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"
  2. seb


    Likes Received:
    Jan 8, 2004
    outskirts of nowhere
    Someone needs to send these to Cybte.

  3. Slobberchops

    Slobberchops WTF?!?!?

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    Apr 14, 2003

    ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;V ^1 ;k ;0
  4. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    Damn thats a hell of a night;P


    Likes Received:
    Jul 18, 2002
    Long Island
    I REALLY do mean it...this time.;f
  6. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

    Likes Received:
    May 22, 2003
    North Port, FL
    ;0 never again ;0 never again ;0
  7. MrKandiyohi

    MrKandiyohi Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Feb 9, 1999
    Larry Miller ROCKS!!!!

    I've been looking for a copy of that on the Internet. No luck so far. That bit is funnier when he does it. He has the right inflections at the right point.