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1000 dollars

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

    After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

    A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

    Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."






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  2. toddler

    toddler

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    Location:
    North Carolina
    Two guys are drinking in a bar. One goes up to the bartender and orders 2 beers. As the tender pours the man says:

    "I'll bet you $100 I can bite my right eyeball."

    Thinking the guy's drunk the bartender accepts. The man takes out his fake right eye, bites it, and puts it back in.

    The bartender, grumbling, pays him $100.

    Then the man says:

    "You know what, I'll bet you $200 I can bite my left eyeball."

    Well the bartender knows the man isn't blind, so he takes the bet. The man takes out his false teeth, puts them up to his left and bites with them.

    The bartender, really grumbling, pays the man $200. Then the man say:

    "You know what, I'm going to give you a chance to make your money back. I'll bet you $300 that if you slide a glass from that end of the bar to the other, I can piss in it as it goes by and not miss a drop."

    The bartender says, "that's impossible." and accepts the bet. He goes to one end of the bar, the man climbs on a stool and takes out his *****, and the bartender slides the glass. The man starts pissing. He's pissing everywhere, on the bar, the floor, the bartender, and barely gets a drop in the glass.

    Laughing as he starts wiping up, the bartender asks, "you were up $300, now you've got nothing but a couple of beers, why would you ever make that bet?"

    To which the man replies, "Oh, it's really quite simple. I just bet that guy back there $1000 that I could piss all over you and your bar, and you wouldn't even get mad."


    :)

    Sorry to hijack, the $1000 reminded me of that one.

    Todd