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Wow... I am too masculine for where I work? WTF?!?!

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Glock20 10mm, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. Tacoma12

    Tacoma12 The Dude Abides

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    had an issue similar to this when I switched police departments from a large city with high crime to a small city with generally nonexistent crime. I was told I needed to be friendlier towards the residents, less abrasive when dealing with subjects, etc. I'm not a small guy, I do have an imposing presence, as I've been told before. I had a similar upbringing with a very strict Army vet father who did not take any crap. What they are asking of you is to change who you are. I'd keep interactions at work strictly business. Not much else you can do. Or you could enter a career in police work or the fire service where that type of persona is needed and appreciated.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2013
  2. JuneyBooney

    JuneyBooney

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    :rofl::rofl:
     

  3. Foxtrotx1

    Foxtrotx1

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    Well if you go on about being a prepper.... :dunno:
     
  4. briarpatch

    briarpatch

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    I had the same problem and it was getting out of hand. People hiding and talking, leaving when I would walk up. After much thought and advice from a good co worker I started wearing clothes again and it seemed to solve the problem.
     
  5. varget

    varget

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    Times have changed. People are up in arms that there is no "male friendly" easy-bake oven made in blue. They say it is "sexist" that it is only marketed to girls!
    The county (Travis) where I live in Texas only approves of men's jeans with the zipper in the back. The "feminizatin" of males makes me sick. I guess I am lucky though. I am 68 yrs. old and retired so I can just go to the range and enjoy myself without having to deal with co-workers and assorted pansies. You younger guys are facing a real dilemma.
     
  6. pal2511

    pal2511

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    It seems everyone is protected in one way or the other these days.
     
  7. Peace Warrior

    Peace Warrior Am Yisrael Chai CLM

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  8. SpookyEng

    SpookyEng

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    X2, I weep for what my Country is becoming. Hell at my job someone quipped at breakfast that the assembled group owned over 100 firearms (and that was probably on the low side :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2013
  9. wingryder

    wingryder

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  10. Bill Lumberg

    Bill Lumberg BTF Inventor

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    You're not necessarily being criticized for masculinity. There are basic social skills required to succeed in the average workplace. When I was first starting out (which was long ago) I was forever plagued by (I thought) the weak, timid, or wastoids complaining that I hurt their feelings/talked mean to them/didn't like them/intimidated them. I was amazed at how many thin skinned people I was forced to deal with. As I got older, I realized that it was my style of discourse, not weakness on the complainants part, that was the problem. That in the modern world, I could be tough and, when called for, intimidating, but still be refined in my posture, discourse, and expressions. I did not believe it when supervisors or others told me. I later figured it out on my own. I simply cannot behave in the same way with the public or with non-sworn folks as I could or can with military or LE when the public isn't around.
     
  11. nsl

    nsl

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    Why is it that today people worship the masculine black guy, but are scared to death of the masculine white guy?
     
  12. Peace Warrior

    Peace Warrior Am Yisrael Chai CLM

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    You're only scratching the surface. (case in point: there is an episode of House, wherein a black actor (a surgeon) takes a syringe, stabs it into a white female actress (a doctor), and then injects her with what is thought, at that point in the episode, to be a lethal substance without a known cure. When I saw the episode for the first time, I thought the writers were giving the black actor a viable exit so as to let him do movies or something. Yet he came back and remained on the show until it was cancelled. Needless to say, very telling to what the writers were actually up to as it played out that "the angry black man" was allowed to get away with attempted murder due to his frustrations of being part of an "oppressed race.")

    Simply put, the globalists will use every avenue, including hollyweird, so as to pit one race against another race, which helps keep the focus off of we Americans' real enemies. Stuff like this will eventually make sheeple more susceptible to the ultimate false synthesis being promoted by the globalists.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2013
  13. BSA70

    BSA70

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    I fully understand what you are saying and you have nailed it. I'm a LEO and see all kinds of officers. It's hard to do, you maintain strong respect from the citizens, but on the other hand, be polite, courtesous, and well liked. Not many can do that.

    Of course, a lot is with you deal with. I have a supervisor that early in his career, dealt with marines in every situation you can imagine. Polite and nice was out the door. Some of the language he used was atrocious but par for the course where he was stationed.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2013
  14. GasTurbine

    GasTurbine Porschey Power!

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    Well, you do come off as rather arrogant and snobby. You seem to be a hot head too. That thread when you blew up because your own wife asked for some help, left me shaking my head for days. Even your avatar shows it.

    Maybe you should see someone about it.
     
  15. JuneyBooney

    JuneyBooney

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    That makes sense to me. :supergrin:
     
  16. engineer151515

    engineer151515

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    Classic Sun Tzu.
     
  17. Desert Duck

    Desert Duck

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    What about the possibility that you are Lind to how you come across?
    What if you are ranting here and using what dr. Terry Warner has defined as "self justifying images?" Is it possible that, if you, me, your boss and coworkers were sitting together and could take about this, we would ear a dramatically different story?

    I wish I was able to help you in person. My fear is you are bringing us, your cyber friends, into a collusion. We all do this. So please don't misunderstand... EVERYONE OF US thinks we seldom are the root cause of problems we have, right? I mean, hey, none of us could possibly be the reason for our failed relationships, with our siblings, children or spouse... Right?

    This is the wrong forum, to work through this with you. Here is my offer. I travel and am responsible for HR or my company for several western states. I'll PM you and you can call me if you wanna take me up on my offer to coach or counsel you.

    Too often, we are the root cause of our own failings and shortcomings. I'm not saying you are to blame here, but as someone who does this for a living, often he culprit is tearing at us in the mirror. I don't prescribe any pills, not that type of doctor, but metaphorically, I can help people with coaching pills, so we can grow elbows and point back to ourselves, if that makes any sense. My first recommendation is order the book, "Leadership and self deception," by he Arbinger Institute. Here is some back ground or context to what I suspect are your self justifying images in the work place:

    Freud noticed that people are often blind to their actual motivations and fail to understand their influence on others. Alone this is an interesting observation. But there was more. He noticed that this blindness seemed willful or strategic. That is, to an outside observer, it appeared that people systematically created their own obstacles to well- being—without knowing they were creating them—and then resisted any attempts to overcome those obstacles.
    But this creates a paradox. How can one who is blind to the trouble he has created see and resist so perfectly any attempts to correct that trouble? As one of Freud’s critics noted, wouldn’t we have to know the truth very exactly in order to hide it from ourselves so carefully? Modern psychology began as an attempt to explain this paradox, a paradox that has become known as “self-deception.”
    The personal and organizational implications of this issue are immense. Recognizing this, for over a hundred years scholars working at the deepest levels of the human sciences have attempted to explain the paradox. Meanwhile, most of the popular psychological debate has continued forward, with the participants and the public unaware that everything being debated has a problem at its very core.
     
  18. JuneyBooney

    JuneyBooney

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    In today's society you have to learn to play games and most of us "men" don't like games. So being sneaky and devious has to be gleaned. :whistling:
     
  19. Desert Duck

    Desert Duck

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    Oops, some typos in there.... Sorry, lots happening... I'll PM you in a bit, OP.
     
  20. fastbolt

    fastbolt

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    I don't know you, or have had the pleasure of meeting you, but I've thought about some of your comments.

    First of all, consider that more than 95% of our daily personal communication occurs via body language. For good or ill, this is where people get much of their info about someone when meeting with them in person.

    This is also where perception (and culture) may differ quite a bit between the message content we think we're giving out, versus what everyone else may be seeing.

    Did your boss actually state that you were "too masculine"? Or, is that just your interpretation & spin on it? Seriously.

    Do you think other people are intimidated by your physical size & presence? Is that something you pride yourself in producing in other people at some level?

    Serious questions, and not being critical or judgmental. Just wondering what you think you're projecting, especially when you seem to take a certain pride in your demeanor, carriage and manner of speaking.

    Okay, then this comment ...
    Sorry, but if this wording is accurate regarding your reaction, are you that easily antagonized or provoked? Do you share some responsibility in how someone may have reacted to your demeanor?

    How we'd like others to see us ... How we're actually seen by others ... How we really are ... These are things that may, or may not, be the same or have some overlap.

    I've never met you, but I could offer that your written words in some threads on this forum may have created an impression among other members which you might not expect, nor wish. And that's without having your actual physical presence, body language and demeanor added to the mix.

    I also agree with Bill Lumberg's comments, though. If you want to interact and effectively communicate with people in society, you have to take into consideration the context and nature of any social & professional groupings. Give some consideration to exactly how you wish to be perceived, if you really want to effectively communicate and whether your mien and body language are working to your benefit, or detriment.

    FWIW, unfortunately, this seems to be a lesson not always quickly or easily learned by men until they reach their 40's. Lots of chances for resulting problems and disadvantage in our 20's & 30's, though.

    Does your daily presence and manner make someone want to meet and know you, and feel comfortable around you, or make them reluctant to be around you? What do you want to project, and to whom do you want to project it?

    Just some thoughts.