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Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield...........

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by robin303, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. robin303

    robin303 Helicopter Nut

    Sep 27, 2009
    Austin, TX
    My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

    It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

    Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

    A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

    A hooker once told me she had a headache.

    I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

    If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

    I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

    I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

    My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

    I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

    The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

    My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

    I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

    My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

    My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

    My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
  2. Travelin' Jack

    Travelin' Jack Misinformed

    Jul 20, 2007
    0 .· ` ' / ·. 200
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

  3. A classic of a guy and a great comedian. We've all been there. That's what made his jokes about himself so funny. You are missed Rodney.

  4. 2-8 Marine

    2-8 Marine Limp Member

    Oct 30, 2009
    I was so ugly as a child my Mother used to tie meat around my neck so the dogs would play with me . . .
    I went to a really tough high school, it was so tough the school paper had an obituary column . . .
    Ya had to love Rodney.
  5. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
    Time an egg - I miss RD.
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2012
  6. Glockgeezer


    Nov 24, 2012
    Central Florida
    We were so poor my mother cut the pockets out of my jeans so I had something to play with.
  7. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
    Heh heh heh heh heh!

    LASTRESORT20 LongTerm-Guy

    Aug 10, 2010
    Rodney had Magic!........ I miss him.....Always enjoyed his performances.
  9. F350


    Feb 3, 2005
    The Wyoming Plains
    Is there a "comic" today that could get a laugh without profanity (other than the Redneck guys)?
  10. TK-421


    Oct 12, 2012
    Pflugerville, TX
    Rodney was awesome, I loved him. Back to School was hilarious, as was Caddyshack.
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2012
  11. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
    From Rodney: "I'm more tired than a pair of jumper cables at a Tijuana funeral!"
  12. He was right on the money all the time. Back to school was hilarious. :supergrin:
  13. jockomikey


    Nov 30, 2008
    Watched "Easy Money" On Netflix a couple of weeks ago. So funny...