You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 a.m. and decide to have a cup. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better. You can always warm coffee up. Your coffee doesn't talk to you. Coffee comes with endless refills. They sell coffee at police stations. You can smoke while drinking coffee. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed. You can make coffee as sweet as you want. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 a.m. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee. Coffee doesn't care what kind of mood you're in. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee. Your coffee won't be jealous of a another cup. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less. Coffee stains are easier to remove. Coffee smells good in the morning. Coffee smells always good. Coffee never runs out. Coffee is cheap. And, of course... INSTANT COFFEE!