What Ive learned during my deployment: 1. Except for the Air Force, the military draft never ended following the Vietnam War. Members of the other U.S. Armed Services were forced to enlist. How else can you explain why Soldiers, Marines and Sailors are so upset that Airmen are treated so well? They obviously would have been smart enough to join the Air Force, too, had they had a choice. That damn draft! 2. When a Soldier or Marine asks how long your deployment is, it is not appropriate for an Airman to answer: Six months sucker! 3. You have to admire Soldiers and Marines for spending an entire year away from their families. But after hearing their constant complaints about Airmen deploying for only four months or six months, it gets real old, real fast. Here are a couple of my favorite comebacks when asked why Airmen have shorter deployments: Because an Airman can do the same job in half the time, or, We get six months off for good behavior, or, when they catch me in an especially rotten mood, You joined the wrong service dumb ass, get over it already, or Your wifes fat and ugly, are you gonna blame me for that, too? 4. Joint operations would run so much smoother if you removed the few and the proud, an organization of one and anything that runs deep. 5. That little pocket on the side of the new Air Force PT shorts is a great place for my lighter! They need to give me a bigger one of the other side so I dont have to carry my cigarettes while Im jogging. 6. The requirement to wear either the Desert Combat Uniform or the Air Force physical fitness uniform in a deployed environment is a conspiracy by senior officers who want to get saluted on and off duty. 7. Many male service members are issued beer goggles in their deployment gear. 8. No matter how much you try to rationalize it when you get home, you still nailed an ugly chick while you were deployed and then bragged about it. 9. In some strange way, having access to a Burger King, a Baskin Robbins and a specialty coffee shop makes up for all the mortar and rocket attacks. 10. During daylight hours, U.S. Army helicopters are technologically advanced, highly tuned killing machines; when theyre screaming over your hooch at 1 a.m., 2 a.m. and again at 3:30 a.m., they turn into annoyingly loud, supped-up lawnmowers. 11. Military leaders decided to protect deployed service members from dangerous insect-borne diseases by having them dowse their combat uniforms with a highly concentrated insect repellant. Unfortunately, most of the insects come out at night when military members are wearing their unprotected fitness uniforms. Yeah, a lot of thought when into that one. 12. Between maintenance delays, passenger terminal problems and other miscellaneous blunders, a seven-hour flight from Baltimore to Ramstein Air Base, Germany, is actually less attractive than a 14-hour-long dental procedure. 13. Female service members no matter where they rank on the evolutionary chain -- are always the center of attention in a deployed environment. 14. A female service members self esteem becomes noticeably higher the closer they are to a deployed environment. 15. The e in Army stands for efficiency. 16. Some Soldiers who read this might feel good about No. 15, so let me clarify its spelled A-R-M-Y, not A-R-M-E-E. 17. When an Army or Marine Corps officer makes a bad decision, he will not admit it. Instead, he immediately changes the policy so that it mirrors his bad decision, thus making his decision correct. Wanna kill these ads? We can help!