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Wal-Mart Urine Test

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Nowhere Man, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

    May 22, 2003
    North Port, FL
    Wal-Mart Urine Test
    In the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

    "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
    "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
    sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

    It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
    So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

    He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

    Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart"

    That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
    began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
    >> >
    >> >He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
    >> >his
    >> >wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
    >> >
    >> >Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits
    >> >dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits
    >>the results.
    >> >
    >> >The computer prints the following:
    >> >
    >> >1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
    >> >2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
    >> >3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    >> >4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    >> >5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
    >> >better.
    >> >
    >> >Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.