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Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Hank Jr, Sep 10, 2003.

  1. Hank Jr

    Hank Jr

    52
    0
    Jul 23, 2000
    Phoenix, AZ US
    Understanding Engineers - Take One

    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
    did you get such a great bike?"

    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
    my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
    bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
    want."

    The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
    wouldn't have fit."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two

    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
    empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Three

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
    particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
    guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
    don't know, but I've never seen such
    ineptitude!"

    The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
    him."

    "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
    aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters
    who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
    always let them play for free anytime."

    The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
    I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
    buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Four

    There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
    mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
    retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
    impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
    machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
    work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
    who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer
    reluctantly took the challenge.

    He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he
    marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
    said, "This is where your problem is."

    The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
    received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded
    an itemized accounting of his charges.

    The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it
    $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Five

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

    Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
    designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
    look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
    The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

    The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
    waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

    "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
    believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
    better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

    The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
    foundation for an enduring relationship.

    The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
    and mystery he found there.

    The engineer said, "I like both."

    "Both?" they asked.

    Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
    you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
    get some work done."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

    An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
    and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

    He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
    up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
    princess, I will stay with you for one week."

    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
    returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
    I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

    Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
    pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
    princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
    won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
    girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
     
  2. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

    7,059
    1
    Jan 31, 1999
    Montanuh

  3. Hank Jr

    Hank Jr

    52
    0
    Jul 23, 2000
    Phoenix, AZ US
    The really sad thing is how many apply!

    Hank
     
  4. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

    7,059
    1
    Jan 31, 1999
    Montanuh
    That's why I love it!!! It reminds me of me, especially the overdesigned glass.
     
  5. trcubed

    trcubed Senior Member

    792
    0
    Jan 23, 2001
    Kuhnigitdale, NC
    I didn't see a SINGLE FUNNY thing on that list.

    Whatr'yall going to do when all us enginerds unite? We'll shut off the electricity, water, and make all your commodes flush INTO the bathroom!




    Yeah!

    Whattaya say NOW?


    Huh??
     
  6. JHS

    JHS Millennium Member

    90
    0
    Jan 8, 1999
    Goodwell, Okla.
    trcubed, are you trying to become a politician? ;f
     
  7. Mav22

    Mav22

    11
    0
    Sep 3, 2002
    Any fellow Electrical Engineering students out there? Go Gators!

    --Mav22
     
  8. trcubed

    trcubed Senior Member

    792
    0
    Jan 23, 2001
    Kuhnigitdale, NC
    No way...that ain't happening...

    I'd go back to school and study ELECTRICAL engineering before I'd become a politician!;f ;f ;f
     
  9. Hank Jr

    Hank Jr

    52
    0
    Jul 23, 2000
    Phoenix, AZ US
    Hey! I represent that remark!

    Hank